Optimistic Vs Pessimistic

I am shy

Actually I mean, I am anti social

I am considerate

Actually I mean, I think too much

I can multi-task

Actually I mean, I can’t concentrate

I am caring

Actually I mean, I am naggy

I am humorous

Actually I mean, I am never serious

I am careful

Actually I mean, I am slow

I am traditional

Actually I mean, I am old fashion

I am understanding

Actually I mean, I don’t have a mind of my own

I am artistic

Actually I mean, I am difficult to understand

I stay by my moral values

Actually I mean, I am stubborn

Are you optimistic or pessimistic? That will be me you perceive!

Wide awake, wide awake

Wide awake, wide awake
The brain is wide awake
The eyes are weak
The body is fatigue
But still cannot sleep

Wide awake, wide awake
The brain is wide awake
The limbs are getting weak
The breath is pathetic
But still cannot sleep

Still came
Knocks on my bedroom door
Help is sparingly there
Use it with care
1....2......and doze off to sleep!

I am not your barbie

I am not one of your barbies

I am not store in your show case

I am not one of your displays

I am not yours to dress up and play

I am not yours to decide what to wear

I am not yours to decide how to style my hair

I am not yours to decide which Ken I should pair

I am not Cindy, Lindy nor Mindy

I am not one of your barbies

I do not care like them

I do not feel like them

I do not love like them

Neither will I hate like them

I do not show myself like them

I do not want to be one of your barbies

I do not want to be one of them

I am not one of them

I am not made of plastic

I do not want to be kept in the show case

And be chosen when to be taken out to play

I do not want to be one of your displays

And be shown and intro to your playmates

I am not yours to discard when no longer in fashion

I am not yours to ignore when other barbies gain your attention

I do not want to be your imaginary friend

I do not want to be just a brand

I do not fancy that beautiful dress

I do not fancy that leather tote

Or that classy stilettos

Or that dollhouse you promised

I am not one of your barbies

I am not for you to doll and play

I am not to be placed anywhere you crave

I am not to be picked

I am not to be kicked

I am not that sick

I am not to appear in the nick

I am real

I have feel

I don’t thrill

But I heal

I am not Barbie

For I am just your Miu…

The land of mines

In the darkness I walk with extreme care,
I do not want to suffer any tears.

The pieces of life threatening hazards,
Planted by the wizards,
Are lying around the living room of mine,
This has become the land of mines.

In the dark, when all the lights are off,
When I need to walk across.
The cold sweat felt on my back,
I slowly feel my way back.

Nearly trip and fall,
But sigh in relief when I finally made it all
Keeping myself alive after all...

Appreciating all the good that happens to you

Yesterday I got that remark again. The same one again. “You are the type of girl whom I will avoid to love because you are too much a nice girl”. I can’t believe hearing it again nor understand what that means. Don't misunderstood I am "in love" again. Please. Nothing of sort. he is just a friend who just happen to commented that because of the conversation we had.

Do I give guys such insecure thoughts? And I thought I was the one feeling insecure all the while. What is going on in your brains? I don’t know. Am I really that good? If really so, please hold on to me and refuse to let me go. Do not be afraid to love me. If you are, please stop thinking/imaginating/hallucinating that I am too nice girl. I have many flaws you have not seen, yet.

Then this friend of mine, told me about this girl (whom I dun know actually) who has been spending on his money (as if it’s her money). Can you imagine shopping for things and expecting or apparently forcing a guy you date to pay for it? And we are not talking about Giordano, This Fashion or Ki Ki La La but high end boutiques! I have never ever meet such ‘generous’ (or naïve) guy before. I was quite a surprise to hear that because it sounds so like those drama tv serials I watch on Channel 8! Damn! How come that never happen to me??????????? LOL!

I never expect any gifts from any guys I date. The most expensive gift I accepted was from my ex bf who bought for me was a Titus dress watch which cost about 200 bucks and it was during my special occasion, my bday. I felt so heart pain for him (Back then I mean, but too bad! I smashed it into many pieces already). Come to think of it, I got to credit him for showering me "love" by spending on expensive durian mooncakes, CNY goodies, expensive dinner at Ritz Carlton (once only oke! I never initiated it), all the movies, food, cab fares, on me. Muahahaahaha! Am I a money squander too? But I guess that is what I deserve because I have always been a faithful, doting and caring gf! My report card is good. Muahahahahahahahhaha! I have also bought him special gifts on occassions what. So that is a draw. *funny*

Anyway! Even a treat for dinner or movie will make me feel so uneasy if it’s out with a guy whom I go out with as a friend. Of cos, if as my boyfriend, I do have certain expectations towards him to pay for the dates but not everything I buy or splurge on! Dinner, movies tickets, cabs, I think they are just fine for a bf to pay but not by default or a must. As for someone you merely just go out with? I think that is a little bit too overboard.

Can you imagine all your hard earned money were use to splurge on someone whom never even spare a second thought for you before she spends your money and you thought that is the way to love her (or him)? Is love measured by the monetary benefits? Can you imagine yourself saving a 1.2k and someone just thought of how to spend it on her dental instead of feeling happy for you or advise you to save it up? And the worst is she is already attached with someone else! Money squander I feel she is! Where is her brain? Where is her brain? I felt so lousy for being a girl now! Shame on you!

How can one be so cruel?? I feel so sad for this friend of mine when I heard it from him. This is what I call, hopelessly in love. I feel he deserves someone much much much better. Hey! If you are reading this, believe me! You really deserve someone who should treats you better and spare thoughts for you instead of thinking of how to make herself happy. Thank you for making me feel better about myself that the situation I met was not the worst as compared to yours! LOL!

Anyway in life, we need to meet the many wrong ones in order to appreciate who is the right one for us. But when we met the right one, we become afraid to love. Thinking, is he (or she) the one? Confusing isnt it? Life.......soemtimes, I wish he ( you dun know who I am referring) will be alittle bit bolder of his feelings towards me.

Now I understand why ppl think I am too nice a girl to be a gf. It's merely because you ppl keep meeting the wrong ones! If all the girls around you are nice girls (just like the gal friends I have around me), you will not think too highly of me already. I am really just a stubborn, petty, naggy, insecure (and anymore!) plain jane.

Do not try to understand but learn to appreciate me! LOL!

They are vying for me

He from the opposite lane looked at me and signaled "You want me to make a U turn?" I gestured back, "Turn turn..yes..". Then I caught a glimpse of another one waiting right in front, looking at me and him. Another one drove past slowly and looked at, me. All of the sudden, the atmosphere become tense. "Who will you chose, Miu?" the voice echoed through the back of my ears. Suddenly I thought of three hyenas vying for the dying me.

A decision making for me in split second. I refused any eye contact with the second and third one and looked at my feet. He made a U turn and stopped at the right spot for me. I aboarded and he thanked me. I thought of replying “I should thank you for making me feel important early in the morning”.

What a day to start with, seeing them vying for me.

I just realise....

I just realised I have not been shopping for days. The last time I was out was to Bencoolen street for studio recording, then walked to bugis (Yes, I walked. No cabs) to buy some cheese sticks papa breads and heading back home. Can you imagine me without dropping by any stores to shop for clothings? I cannot believe it either.

Can you imagine that I have not been to Jurong Point for a long time? My last movie was Music and the Lyrics which was like two wks ago? Is that Miu?? I dun know myself anymore. I seem to have lost my zest in buying things. I think my main issue is, I am avoiding the public. Strangers. I do not feel safe.

My badminton spirit wandered in the court again just yesterday. With Alex, Ginnise and Ah Fu. Nice thrash. Good game. I wish I can play everyday. But an hour for 7.40 bucks? Everyday is out of the question for me, especially so out of question if I book 3 hrs a session. My left arm is a goner. I cant seem to carry even my racket bag for 5 or 10mins. The strenuous I felt on my shoulder, the numbness from my shoulder to elbow. And the "tok tok" sound from my wrist when i give it a little twist when I feel the strenuous. I think it is dislocated. LOL. But still can use though.

Have not been reading any books lately. So what have I been doing? Watching tv, squeezing in my mum's room with all the rest of my family members because of the renovation in our kitchen and, just being with myself.

This sat will be another round of recording in the studio and it's going to be more stressful than the past recordings becos this time, the Beaufort pianist will be coming over to join me in the studio for the recording!!!! I nearly fainted on my bed when I received the call from my friend. Please please don't have too high expectations from me. Hopefully things will turn out well on sat.

Tee Kong Por Bee (In hokkien. In english, it means, blessings from god) ....num mo....num mo....

A new beginning

March 29 marks the day of a new beginning of my new blog, Miu's Story. Previously was writing in my blog in friendster blog however because of some issues, I have stopped updating the entries in that blog.

I always believe that once a blogger, you will always be a blogger. Because I love to write. And I need a way out to satisfy my quench for writing and communicating. And my solution is to create a new blog elsewhere, here.

Sorry to have shift and cause the inconvenience. This shall be my little comfort zone to speak out what I want. Till my next entry.