The restless nights

The sun light dim and the black satin fall
The moon light shone fadedly brightening the cloud within

Here I lie on my bed, the sheer cold and the night gets old
How can I ever have a relax rest in my comfort territory, so small it is just enough for a body.

I hugged my teddy and tug under the blanket, the side of my cheek rested comfortably and warm my pillow. All seems so peaceful.

But as the night gets older, even a drop of pin will wake me.
The mind runs a journey suddenly.
And I will wake up thinking, if I have rested completely.


The clock ticks and I counted every minute. I need a good sleep! Why cant I sleep? Why do I wake up with fist clench tightly? I wanna a relaxed sleep!

Dont tell me I can do it. dont tell me I should not be thinking. I have been training my mind to calm and rest in peace.

Do I really have to wait till the day when the final rest sets in? The rest that drew out the soul and make me float at a corner of the room and looking at my body expressionlessly?

Your veil

Your veil was down all these while, I cant see if you smile.
What is your emotions all these while?

Was it loneliness that drew you closer to me from the start?
That was never what I thought when I met you, never of that.

You came into my life at the point when I was picking up myself.
You are the one who made me feel hopeful of the bed of roses love could bring.
All were genuine why don you believe?

There were many torns around me, but none I fancy.
I cant stop the torns from growing.
I cannot stop them from coming, except to lock myself and hoping you will be ard with me.

But you let me alone once again, thinking, wondering and crying.
I cannot let anyone do this to me, I told myself.
I cant bear to hear if your explanations were to say goodbye to me. I cant bear to let it happen to me again.
Thus I rather end all and all, unwillingly.

Maybe the sweetest thing is when we never own something we wish to have,
Leave it to our thought to paint us a perfect picture,
how wonderful it will be to be in each others arms once again, how I wish to see and hug you again. How afraid I will be if I see you again, I wonder how to react and how to see you my friend who is not really I wanna treat as a friend but circumstances just make us keep things as it is.

I was constantly unhappy, no longer becos of him, but you. Becos I cant help but afraid to love but no deny, has fallen deeply for you. But the saddest thing was I am afraid to love again.

Life is a mockery. Meeting the person I wanna be with but I do not have the ability to love and feel love whole heartedly once again. The open wound has left a scar and I do not believe I can do it once again.

You just joke and laugh I cant tell if you really feel joy.
BOth of us were coward and blind by the past we just cant move on.

But I really wish you well and find someone who you wish to take care and love for your life time. Someone who can give you hope and courage to love.

As for me, I let time washes the past sins and erode my stone heart, waiting for the third one to come and waken my sleeping heart, someone who can make me believe in love again.

I miss you so badly but so afraid to let you know cos we both know we cannot do much about it as we are cripples who cant walk without crutches and so how eligible are we to provide and commit for each other?

But one thing for sure, I miss you badly and loves you even now. No matter what the outcome has been, you are one whom I have given a genuine heart, one that goes ard hurting others, one that has turn hard and cold now and mock at others who love and fancy me and takes them all for granted.

I cant ask more but to hope be your friend, someone to be by your side whom you can laugh and joke with, but it seems you have more such friends ard you, you do not need me.

And again, I stood alone at that corner, and leading a monotonous life, as and when bringing myself some thrills to my empty single life, to replace the missing you.

I miss you badly still.

Another Piss-ful day at work

Another stressful day at work. Skipped lunch again. Meeting at 1:30, conference calling. 4pm, went down to buy a banana cake to fill up the hole in my stomach. All the way till 5:45pm. Went home with my new colleague, she is chirpy nice petite lady, married for 5 years, and had a baby of 3mths and the best part is, she has got sense of humor!

Yeah, I finally found a nice colleague at work who is sama sama like me and she actually jio me go shopping after work over the weekdays! Yippie! And we can go KTV near by too! Hehehehehehe!

Damn aching all over. The badminton is really a killer. Sunday will be my fleamarket. Will be displaying my paintings at the stall for sale. Hopefully it will draw crowd.

Wanna catch some art films, two in my list are Ghost and The Willow Tree. Anyone out there who wanna date me? Get these tickets and give me a ring soon! LOL!!! I wanna a long long long long BREAK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Vincent Van Gogh

Vincent van Gogh, for whom color was the chief symbol of expression, was born in Groot-Zundert, Holland. The son of a pastor, brought up in a religious and cultured atmosphere, Vincent was highly emotional and lacked self-confidence. Between 1860 and 1880, when he finally decided to become an artist, van Gogh had had two unsuitable and unhappy romances and had worked unsuccessfully as a clerk in a bookstore, an art salesman, and a preacher in the Borinage (a dreary mining district in Belgium), where he was dismissed for overzealousness. He remained in Belgium to study art, determined to give happiness by creating beauty. The works of his early Dutch period are somber-toned, sharply lit, genre paintings of which the most famous is "The Potato Eaters" (1885). In that year van Gogh went to Antwerp where he discovered the works of Rubens and purchased many Japanese prints.

In 1886 he went to Paris to join his brother Théo, the manager of Goupil's gallery. In Paris, van Gogh studied with Cormon, inevitably met Pissarro, Monet, and Gauguin, and began to lighten his very dark palette and to paint in the short brushstrokes of the Impressionists. His nervous temperament made him a difficult companion and night-long discussions combined with painting all day undermined his health. He decided to go south to Arles where he hoped his friends would join him and help found a school of art. Gauguin did join him but with disastrous results. In a fit of epilepsy, van Gogh pursued his friend with an open razor, was stopped by Gauguin, but ended up cutting a portion of his ear lobe off. Van Gogh then began to alternate between fits of madness and lucidity and was sent to the asylum in Saint-Remy for treatment.

In May of 1890, he seemed much better and went to live in Auvers-sur-Oise under the watchful eye of Dr. Gachet. Two months later he was dead, having shot himself "for the good of all." During his brief career he had sold one painting. Van Gogh's finest works were produced in less than three years in a technique that grew more and more impassioned in brushstroke, in symbolic and intense color, in surface tension, and in the movement and vibration of form and line. Van Gogh's inimitable fusion of form and content is powerful; dramatic, lyrically rhythmic, imaginative, and emotional, for the artist was completely absorbed in the effort to explain either his struggle against madness or his comprehension of the spiritual essence of man and nature.

The beggar in the street

Droplets rained into the heart like a thousand bullets
They traveled like the speed of thunder and drill into the flesh
and burnt in blazing flames, splattered like the fireworks.

The mist has blurred the vision and nothing is seen but grey
A freezing coat wrapped around my naked skin and left me trembling in pain.

No strangers in the lonely streets to emit some warm around me.
The cold breeze blew and stings like the hornet bees

No penny to buy a brolly to shelter from the droplets
No penny to buy a bun nor coffee to warm my empty stomach.

I am that lonely beggar you see in the street.
I looked up upon the sky yearning for the sun to warm me.

Can anyone spare me some penny?




This poem is dedicated to the beggars I saw in the streets.

Fruitful day

Had a peaceful day at work, thank god everything went smoothly. Afterwhich, I went home and rested for awhile and waited for Yuchao to come over to fetch me to the sports hall for a game. Yes, I am a sms GPS oke Ah Chao ge. But limited to my territory only k.

I have got to be thankful to you and Kenny, one from hougang, one from pasir ris to come all the way to play a 2 hrs game with me and not forgetting Ginnise too, for coming over straight after her hectic day. We had a wonderful game, laughed alot about the new playing style, the blowing style, the pancake style, the gay running style, the "blaming Kenny" whenever I miss a shot. LOL!!! And what a lie! You guys know how to play siah! Dun even need me to teach you how to serve and you can do it so well! Next time, your turns to teach me tennis yah? And will like to try squash too though I played many years ago. Sometimes, there are some games I will like to play but I cant find any activity partners, else most of yous are busy with work. :(

I will consider to go over Tampines or Hougang for another round of game with you guys la provided its a weekend. :)

I wanna try horse riding, kayaking (again), buggy jump, I wanna try some near death games if I can. The thought of such thrills already set my mind full blown! If only I have the courage, I will really try. :) It will not be immediate but baby steps, one by one and most importantly, getting the right supporters to join me. Anyone? Ginnise? LOL!!!

And I am serious about the Terry Fox Run (now renamed as Run For Hope Singapore) and hope you all will be joining me on that day. Am not a serious runner, but as a beginner for such running event, I think 4k run will be a good start. I will most probably be walking and jogging and laughing along the way. LOL!

The event will be held in Sep, venue at Sentosa, website for more details: Run For Hope . Registration fee is 30 bucks.

Readers, do show your support for the event. Run for a good cause!

Secret

不能說的秘密Lyrics

不能說的秘密(電影[不能說的祕密]主題曲)
作詞：方文山 作曲：周杰倫

冷咖啡離開了杯墊
我忍住的情緒在很後面

拼命想挽回的從前
在我臉上依舊清晰可見

最美的不是下雨天
是曾與妳躲過雨的屋簷
回憶的畫面 在盪著鞦韆 夢開始不甜

妳說把愛漸漸 放下會走更遠
又何必去改變 已錯過的時間

妳用妳的指尖 阻止我說再見
想像妳在身邊 在完全失去之前

妳說把愛漸漸 放下會走更遠
或許命運的籤 只讓我們遇見

只讓我們相戀 這一季的秋天
飄落後才發現 這幸福的碎片
要我怎麼撿

On your MARK, get set! Go!

You wrote of words full of unacquainted love you have for someone. I wish you will confide in me like how things used to but I know it will never be. Mths after mths I counted the anniversary we said goodbye. Its been 5 mths and I am feeling the distance. You are so far I cannot see your shadow from the corner of my eye. I wonder if any of the entries you wrote were any mention about me. I wish just to be in your memory that you can remember, you met me in this lifetime, for a short stint.

I am still so glad I met you and never regret. Wherever you are, my feelings remains, the smses/mmses stays, were never erased.

All the best to your new life and hope lots of love and care and concern will be bestow on you whom this new person can bring you in your life. I am glad you have move on. Life is full of lessons and it just take a mind set to get you get set! go!

Love yourself and your life from now on. Drink less, smoke less and sleep less and.......exercise more!

I am patiently waiting for the one to come and take me in his arms and say he will take good care of me and stays with me. With a sincere heart I can only give you, I wish you luck and happiness.

:)

Painting Sunday

Another paint work on sunday. It took about 2hrs. The top cube canvas and the bottom cube canvas matches together will form a complete art work. Still have some tall trees to add on to stretch over the two canvas boards.




This is a very small canvas board, Showing a ghostly twisted branches and a full moon. It is suppose to look like a night when the werewolves feast. Some more touching up is needed becos the branches need more define outlines and the leaves need more emphasis. Haiz! Wait till my artist ghostly mood sets in again before I can touch this work.

I have got three more white boards that I can work on. But guess I will be completing it within the next few days. Will have to head down to get more boards again. I just love colors on these white boards!

My Personal DNA

I tried this test and bingo! So well described me! Ppl who wants to know the real me, whom I have been hiding it eversince, this is it. So very me! :)

My personalDNA Report

What is easy?

Its easy to just trip and fall but picking yourself up takes effort.

Its easy to fall in love but falling out takes time.
Its easy to tear up a painting but drawing takes time.

Its easy to eat but preparing a meal is time consuming.
Its easy to say I hate you! but difficult to say I am sorry.

Its easy to sleep but waking up seems forever.
Its easy to buy but earning money takes mths

Its easy to say quit but difficult to continue
Its easy to cry but tough to put on a smile after

Its easy to promise something but difficult to keep.
Its easy to die but difficult to stay alive.

Its easy to say I love you but difficult to proof I really do.
Its easy to tell someone to die but difficult to say I really care for you.
Its easy to put on that ring but difficult to keep a life time commitment.
Its easy to lie than to reveal the truth.


Its easy to say thanks for everything you have given me but difficult to really say goodbye.

My paintings

I was standing on the ream
The purple sea of love and envy
Serenity, tranquility, or harmony, trapped in the dream.

Larva seeps through the soil, burning them to ashes bit by bit
The far away scarlet and golden silk, swirl when the wind blows towards it.
Its a surreal sunset that has been seen...




The flower blooms so raw, the stem stands tall
This pic hangs on the wall, brightens up the hall
But this petal looks just like a tear has fall.

A walk

Its a stressful day on friday. Been working and tension was staying throughout the whole day from 8:30am to 5:45pm.

After work, I walked from my office to the interchange. Crossed two over head bridges, walked for almost half an hour and I finally reach my destination. My reward was a comfortable seat in the bus, the air condition and to be able to view the scenery from the broad wide windows.

Reached home and had dinner and set off to meet my friend at 9pm for a walk. I dont know whether I have lost my mind or what, but the more I complain about my work, the longer I walked. It lasted for 1hr and 40 mins. Finally reached home, my foot were sore. I have to sit on the floor in the bathroom while bathing.

Thinking of registering for the Terry Fox Run this sep. Anyone? :)

Dark lord

Dark lord, pardon me for not listening
The tune you play in my head
I always replay when in bed

Dark lord, save me from despair
Stretch out your wings
While your scream rings with glares

Dark lord, with just one command
I am willing to be your humble servant

Sew me a pair of wings
Show me the darkness to the road of no return.
Send your millions spirits to welcome my presence.

March me to my destiny and control me.
Your humble servant shall abides to all your needs.

I dun speak.

In this world of insecurity, who will believe what you see?
No one cares what you think, they will only foresee

Even if your true self reveals, they still thought you were a devil within
The angel in us slowly dies, no more love, no more in disguise.

True concern shown but treated as an enemy
Time goes by, communication dies
Mute that noise and hush that screaming voice within

Chain the inner soul away from the hunters who haunt
Stop your lies saying no one listens

The world you live in is full of ashes of depressing souls
No one knows how to express thru sanity
For sanity been driven insane.

Do not blame when one by one leaves your kingdom and leaves you alone.
Do not blame when one fine day you have to speak to the four walls and no one's home.

Who will cry when you die?

Robin Sharma has dedicated this book "Who will cry when you die" to readers and may we apply the life lessons we discover within the pages to manifest the fullness of our talents, while making a difference in lives of those around us. Robin Sharma is also the writer of "The monk who sold his ferrari"

"The tragedy of life is not death but what we let die inside of us while we live" - Norman Cousins


101 pointers from Robin Sharma:

1) Discover your calling
2) Everyday, be kind to a stranger
3) Maintain your perspective
4) Practice tough love
5) Keep a journal
6) Develop an honesty philosophy
7) Honor your past
8) Start your day well
9) Learn to say NO gracefully
10) Take a weekly Sabbatical
11) Talk to yourself
12) Schedule Worry breaks
13) Model a child
14) Remember, Genius is 99 percent inspiration
15) Care for the temple
16) Learn to be silent
17) Think about your ideal neighborhood
18) Get up early
19) See your troubles as blessings
20) Laugh more
21) Spend a day without your watch
22) Take more risks
23) Live a life
24) Learn from a good movie
25) Bless your money
26) Focus on the worthy
27) Write thank you notes
28) Always carry a book with you
29) Create a love account
30) Get behind pple’s eyeballs
31) List your problems
32) Practice the action habit
33) See your children as gifts
34) Enjoy the path, not just the reward
35) Remember that awareness precedes change
36) Read “Tues with Morries"
37) Master your time
38) Keep your cool
39) Recruit a “board of directors”
40) Cure your monkey mind
41) Get good at asking
42) Look for the higher meaning of your work
43) Build a library of heroic books
44) Develop your talents
45) Connect with nature
46) Use your commute time
47) Go on a news fast
48) Get serious about setting goals
49) Remember the rule of 21
50) Practice forgiveness
51) Drink fresh fruit juice
52) Create a pure environment
53) Walk in the woods
54) Get a coach (not that coach bag huh girls…….)
55) Take a mini vacation
56) Become a volunteer
57) Find your 6 degrees of separation
58) Listen to music daily
59) Write a legacy statement
60) Find three great friends
61) Read “The Artist’s” way
62) Learn to Meditate
63) Ave a living funeral
64) Stop complaining and start living
65) Increase your value
66) Be a better parent
67) Be unorthodox
68) Carry a goal card
69) Be more than your moods
70) Savor the simple stuff
71) Stop condemning
72) See your day as your life
73) Create a mastermind alliance
74) Create a daily code of conduct
75) Imagine a richer reality
76) Become the CEO of your life
77) Be humble78) Don’t finish every book you start
79) Don’t be so hard on yourself
80) Make a vow in silence
81) Don’t pick up the phone every time it rings
82) Remember that recreation must involve RE- Creation
83) Choose worthy opponents
84) Sleep less
85) Have a family meal time
86) Become an Imposter
87) Take a public speaking course
88) Stop thinking tiny thoughts
89) Don’t worry about things you can’t change
90) Learn how to walk
91) Rewrite your life story
92) Plant a tree
93) Find your place of peace
94) Take more pictures
95) Be an adventurer
96) Decompress before you go home
97) Respect your instincts
98) Collect quotes that inspire you
99) Love your work
100) Selflessly serve
101) Live fully so you can die happy

Challenge is everyday's chore

Another walk. From home, to overhead bridge, climbing over 200 flight of steps, walked all the way from my previous office building to Canteen Two, all the way back to the Yunan Garden and overhead bridge and back home. Its quite a leisure walk and climb today. Didnt really get to work out alot.

I was dipping my fingers and searching for a hairclip and vola! My thumb got poked by a protuding sharp-end tweezer. The sharp point pierced and I felt something that just went thru the skin and yelp back in pain. The blood oozes out from the thumb when I squeezed ard the injured spot. The crazy thought seeps in and the next thing I knew was to smerge blood on the red dress, its a paint work I am working on. I dun know why I did that, probably I just wanna donate the blood to my work, not to let it go to waste, maybe I just wanna give the paint work some life, maybe I just have that crazy thought to use my own blood in my paintings. That kind of red color is not found in any acrylic tube you can find in the art store. No worries, that particular work I aint selling it to anyone nor do I have that much to blood to drip onto all my art pieces.

I guess I got myself hooked to pool games. Been thinking about it everyday since my last match with ah fu ge. I jus love the feeling of challenging guys.

Sat in MRS today. It is a selfish car, cos its two seater only. LOL! But the turbo feels great. The sudden pick-up, the moment when you feel your back pressured to stick close to your car seat as if an unknown force is in the front, simply shiok! And when the exhaust exhale, it sounds like a fart. LOL! Interesting car.

Saw an Orange Lambo some time ago and I simply cannot forget it. The full black tinted windows, the strong orange color, it drives along the expressway. I looked at it as if in slow motion it is travelling before it disappears before my eyes.

It look exactly like this:




Back to my jogging, I wish I can run like a lamborghini. I just wanna run away from all of you and never return again. Maybe the next missing person in the papers will be me? Dont miss me if ever I am missing cos God has plans for me.

More than just words

The profound words in my thoughts never ends:

1) the best way to overlook your problems is to be numb about it
2) why sweat over what you try to be good at when you should focus on what you already are good at?
3) What is happiness when you need to cry for it?
4) What is life about when everyday we are working slaves for money?
5) Real happiness is when you smile when you want to and not need to
6) Shut up and move on!
7) We live to wait for the slow approaching death


These are what I came across and totally agree with:
1) It does not matter what the event was when reaction is what determines the consequences.
2) Who will cry when you die?
3) The tragedy of life is not death but what we let die inside of us while we live
4) We dont laugh becos we are happy. We are happy becos we laughed.
5) One does not discover new lands without consenting to lost sight of the shore for a very long time.
6) The hand that gives is the hand that gathers
7) Wisdom is knowing what to do next. skill is knowing how to do it, and virtue is doing it
8) Once you learn how to die, you learn how to live
9) He who ask may be a fool for 5mins. He who doesnt is a fool for a lifetime
10) Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that crushed it
11) I wept becos I had no shoes until I saw a man who had no feet

Sunset

Why will colors give me warm?
Its in this picture.

Why will rays give my hope?
Its in this picture.

Why will shadows keep me calm?
Its in this picture.

The day ends with these rays we always miss appreciating, what nature gives
The empty space is reserved for you and me

Its for you to see
How glad you will be
to watch the sunset with me...

The fallen angel

How many hearts have I broke?
The disappointments in your faces, are written all over, inches by inches.

I am sorry the wall is too thick you cant even see me.
I have been shrink wrapped and no matter how you try to figure me out, you just cant feel the real me.

I cant be my true self else I will break even more hearts
Just treat me like a stuck up lass who thought full of herself

I am a walking zombie unfeeling to your feelings, only with guilt
I am an empty body with no organs, no blood

I dont even wanna give a chance to try
What is trying when I dont have intention to buy?

No matter how down I was I have manage to pull thru, alone.
So why I need someone next to me?
What is there I wanna share with humans?

Anyone out there dare swear to love me with his life?
Slit and let your blood flow out till the last drop and show me.

No matter how fairy tale it be, no happy ending
So what it is to be to even try?
and its true, big girls dun cry.
even if we do, you will never know when and why.

The face just went numb and mouth is dry
and I will just turn and walk away
its just to protect you, to protect you from getting further hurt from a fallen angel like me who is soul-less and faithless and hopeless.

I did all to just protect you. You deserves even much more than a fallen angel , like me, I am a nobody, trust me.

Big Girls Dont Cry

la,da,da,da
The smell of your skin lingers on me now
You're probably on your flight back to your hometown
I need some shelter of my own protection baby
to be with myself in center, clarity
Peace, Serenity

I hope you know, I hope you know
That this has nothing to do with you
It's personal, myself and I
We got some straightening out to do
And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their
blanket
But I've gotta move on with my life
It's time to be a big girl now
And big girls don't cry
Don't cry,
Don't cry,
Don't cry

The path that I'm walking, I must go alone
I must take the baby steps till I'm full grown,full
grown
Fairy tales don't always have a happy ending do they
And I for seek the dark ahead if I stay

I hope you know, I hope you know
That this has nothing to do with you
It's personal, myself and I
We got some straightening out to do
And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their
blanket
[Big Girls Don't Cry lyrics on http://www.metrolyrics.com]

But I've gotta move on with my life
It's time to be a big girl now
And big girls don't cry

Like a little school mate in the school yard
We'll play jacks and Uno cards
I'll be your best friend and you'll be mine
Valentine
Yes you can hold my hand if you want to
'cause I wanna hold yours too
We'll be playmates and lovers and share our secret
words
But it's time for me to go home
It's getting late, dark outside
I need to be with myself in center, clarity
Peace, Serenity

I hope you know, I hope you know
That this has nothing to do with you
It's personal, myself and I
We got some straightening out to do
And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their
blanket
But I've gotta get a move on with my life
It's time to be a big girl now
And big girls don't cry
Don't cry,
Don't cry,
Don't cry

La Da Da Da Da Da (more)

My second attempt

Another day passed with heart palpitation, staring straight into the computer, trying hard to get all the noise, gossips, loud voice and ringing tones out from my mind. But the palpitation will not let me off. I continued to let it invade me but I put up a tough fight with it. The mind games started and it is just a passing phase, I told myself. Finally when the day is over, I keep my spirits up by rewarding myself with a peanut pan cake when I was on my way back home. :)

Then, rushing off my dinner at home, I went dwn to the salon which I went to two weeks ago, to get my hair, cut, again. Everytime I feel stressed out, I went to cut my hair. I wonder how much more will be left on my head and will I shave it off when my stress limits reach max?

Then I went to mac to get myself a drink, and stroll back home from Jurong Point, thinking of the yesterday's attempt, I thought I can figure my way back home alone without my friend's accompany. The peaceful walk with occasional joggers and ah nehs walking past me, other than that, it was a wonderful and happy journey.

The slow walk, the thought of "the decision lies in your hands" keeps ringing in my mind. I get to decide which path I should walk to reach home. There were times when I look at my watch and see mins passed by, I really do have the intention to flag down a cab, why make it so difficult for myself after a hard day at work? But I did not.

It just made me feel relax. No more traffic jams, no more standard bus or mrt routes to decide which path I should take to reach my destination, now I am able to walk a route myself. Maybe I have been too suppress and faces too many limitations in life, this walk just makes me happy.

It also enlightens me that the same theory applies to our life. How we want a life, how our life should be, we walk it out ourselves. The feeling of being able to control your life and time and how you just wanna spend it the way you wanna it to be, it just makes me happy!

The more I thought of it, the more I walk with confidence, and then I realised, I lost my way. I try to figure out my location, I try to squeeze my eyes further to look at sign boards (becos my vision seems not good when it is in the night).... slowly I manage to walk to the familar main road, along the jalan boon lay way...instead of feeling panick and jump straight at getting a cab for my rescue, I slowly figure out myself and walked to a nearby bus stop and took a bus home instead. But that is quite a good attempt again, for a spoilt and attitude girl like me. :)

Tomorrow is playing pool with ah fu ge and then probably staying up late whole night painting if I can. Time is just too short everyday.

My attempt to start my engine!

I summoned my friend. We met up at 7:30pm. Right after work, rest for only an hour and off we go to face my challenge. We were getting ready to start our engine. "From here to stadium we will warm up then after that, speed up". I agreed. Throughout the journey, we joked, we laughed, we avoided bicycles.

Its been so long since I last started my engine. The stretching I did at home, a hastily one, then I don on my shoe and I went to meet up my friend.

Off we marched on foot, warming up our "engine", we walked for about 20 or more mins and started jogging. I felt a screeching sound in my knee caps. They seem not been lubricated with lubricating oil for many years. Indeed. I have not been jogging since secondary school days. But tonight, I manage to run a distance. The cool breeze blew upon my face, the regular keeping a look out for biscycles, it was a very refreshing feelingl. It may not be very enjoying for the regular jogger like my friend to acc me with that little jogging distance I covered, but I believe over the time I can improve and the journey I walk will be shorten and the journey I run will be lengthen. From my house, all the way to jurong point and back home. I guess that is quite a good start.

I guess I will start with a regular walking before starting on a full jog. My stupid shoes are hurting my toes. My thighs are aching much. But I enjoyed it. Gotta get my friend to push me harder and discipline me for regular jogging. I wanna leave all my worries far far far far far behind me.......

Are angels really 4 times a human height?????????????

UPdates

Dun ask me why or how. I have watched Invisible, Vacancy and Alone all by myself. Caught The Simpsons with Mr Fu ge and I am wondering what else to watch.

I bought a book "Who will cry when you die". The same writer who wrote "The monk who sold his ferrari". It is a very interesting and motivating book to read esp when seeing the strangers in buses is quite a meaningless thing to do. Basically, it is not a book to point out to me who I should be good to before I end my life, rather, it is about motivating one's life to lead a significant life and to reclaim our best life. Though at the end of the day, maybe after accomplish all those I need to do as pointed out in the book, there may be a sense of emptiness and readiness to say "hey! now I can die happily!". But hell I dun know. I wonder if the book has a positive or negative impact on me. Wait till I finish reading it. I'll let you know.

Been staying up late till 5am yesterday night, painting.




This is what I call, abstract art. Basically, what I did was to mix the colors together and create a 3 d effect which is open to your imagination. Some see school of fishes battling in the ocean, some see just splashes of water, some simply see just cubes. I see a tree, I see a fetus, I see dancing spirits. I thought of adding a Van Gogh looking human face in the foreground but decided letting it be a abstract piece of work cos I saw too many things in it.

This morning, I worked on this:



This is not complete yet. I hope I can rush off with the rest but I went to meet up with Ginnise to attend a service at suntec. There was a sudden impact that swept thru me and just suddenly, I just feel like crying and running into his arms. Ppl called him GOD. I always wonder, why so many ppl out there worship and believe in something they never see before. God. Is he real? Is he a he? or she? Is he really been planning everything for me? Is he really for me? Will things really be easy for me?

I am not a Christian but it just feel good after attending the service. I treated it has a motivation workshop to further encourage me and giving me the more optimistic side of life so that I can continue this journey as long as I can take it. Can God manifest in my dreams and swear that he is here for me? Who else can I depend on besides him?

Went Taka again to get more canvas boards. Had a nice dinner and gossip with Ginnise throughout our journey home. Tomorrow is a brand new challenge again. I trust that the worst will be taken care of by the mighty god. Our everyday problem is so insignificant as compare to the size of earth, jupiter, sun, sirius or betelgeuse (beetlejuice as pronounce by the pastor), all these which God hold in his palm, in just one palm. So how big is our problem actually?