Te Busque (looking for you)

Beautiful lyrics, exactly how it should feel like:



I've been high I've been low
I've been fast I've been slow
I've had nowhere to go
Missed the bus missed the show
I've been down on my luck
I've felt like giving up
My life locked in a trunk
When it hurt way too much
I needed a reason to live
Some love inside me to give
I couldn't rest I had to keep on searching

Te busqué debajo de las piedras y no te encontré
En la mañana fría y en la noche te busqué
Hasta enloquecer
Pero tú llegaste a mi vida como una luz
Sanando las heridas de mi corazón
Haciéndome sentir vivo otra vez.

I've been too sad to speak and too tired to eat
Been too lonely to sing the devil cut off my wings
I've been hurt by my past but I feel the future

In my dreams and it lasts I wake up I'm not sure
I wanted to find the light something just didn't feel right
I needed an answer to end all my searching

I look in the mirror the picture's getting clearer
I wanna be myself but does the world really need her
I ache for this earth
I stopped going to church
See God in the trees makes me fall to my knees
My depression keeps building like a cup overfilling
My heart so rigid I keep it in the fridge
It hurts so bad that I can't dry my eyes
Cuz they keep on refillin' with the tears that I cry...

We are players in this world

Sometimes, I do wonder is fate exists in this world. Some say, fate has been destined from the moment you are born. Some say, we are our own master to decide our own fate. I say, I just wish my fate is not manipulated by others.

Just a week back or so, a lost found friend came back into my life and I am glad we were able to chat like we used to. Some things he still wants to clarify and make me understand. But the bottom line is, so what if I am being made known of how my 1st ex was going thru that period of time we broken off? Things still had happened and nothing said now will help to lessen that pain. So what if he still misses me as a friend, so what if he still ask about me. Nothing will change. There will never be any “looking back at the past” from me. I do wonder if I will agree to meet him one day and look him in the eye and remain calm and emotionless. When that thought came, I knew, I still cannot do it. Past will forever be past. Hurt done will never become undone. We have hurt enough of each other I do not wish to look into his eyes and be reminded of the past. Just let everyone move on with a new future.

Then just yesterday, 2nd ex smsed me something. Again, thinking about the past. The 3rd one msned me saying he sort of have a funny feeling like he still misses me when he already had someone in aussie willing to give up her career for him.

Sometimes I wonder why men could say all these when everything is already in the past. I mean, what is the point of saying? So what is it about? What is the objective of making such a sentence? To tell me and then so? So what? Will anything change? If nothing is going to change, why say? So what it is just to tell me? What do you expect me to reply? And do they really know what the hell they are talking about?

I am utterly disappointed in many that I have met or still meeting in my life. These few days I have been I have been thinking about the past events with 1st, 2nd and 3rd ex and some other ppl who proclaims they likes me. And it really irks me to think that these ppl could made promises and assurances like I am their only reason to live in this world. What do you expect me to say? I can only reply to you, thank you.

I have ppl who revolve around me, showing their concerns and all. You think I will be touched? Common, I have heard enough of these tricks until I am so immune that I feel so numb and unfeeling. i cannot even differentiate truth from lies anymore. So don't blame me when I am nasty towards you. I just feel put off with hearing those silly words.

I guess the next time, if you guys really want me to believe your genuine feeling for me, please dig out your heart and show me or, if you can give up something you love or care most like for example your whole fortune and transfer them all to me, maybe I will believe you are genuine towards me. Else, just keep your mouth shut and leave all those funny lovely little tricks in your sleeves and pockets and stop embarrassing yourself by expressing to me.

I do wish I am 15 years old again in order to treat those lovely words seriously but reality is cruel, I am already 28. Please men, wake the fuck up!

A change of calendar, a brand new start

There are so many things I want to update. But just couldn’t find time to do so, or my brain is running faster than how I can type like Beethoven could play on the piano.

January marks the beginning of a busy year ahead. With the departure of 3 managers and some colleagues, we are awfully shorthanded. Hiring temp staff is a temporary measure but nevertheless, they help a lot in running errands and sorting out those time consuming tasks for us. I am so glad.

2009 is nothing too much of a celebration to me but just a change of calendar that’s all. Is that a big deal? It certainly sounds not but then again it maybe because people in the whole universe are changing their calendar.

With ppl coming and going off in my life, I wish to look ahead and welcome the new challenges I may face in 2009. Some colleagues were worried about the high turnover of staff leaving and wonder how the management will solve this. I said, nothing will become a big issue as long as the daily tasks and operations are still running and coping well by the remaining staff. We just need ppl to run the operation! Who cares who runs it? As long as we have the budget to hire again, someone can be re-train and run the matters every day. Does it really matter of the high turnover? No one is indispensable.

I used to hear about ppl talking about their New Year resolution. But strangely, it seems no one really bothers about resolution this year, not me too. If I really have to say one, I will say, I just want to be a happy person and have someone whom I can totally trust and worth trusting. Will there be anyone like that who exist in this world?

How can I be sure (Lyrics)

by Shelby Lynne



How can I be sure?
In a world that's constantly changing
How can I be sure?
Where I stand with you

Whenever I
Whenever I am away from you
I wanna die
cause you know I wanna stay with you

How do I know?
Maybe you're trying to use me
Flying too high can confuse me
Touch me, but don't take me down

Whenever I
Whenever I am away from you
My alibi is telling people
I don't care for you

Maybe I'm just hanging round
With my head up, upside down
Its a pity for you
I cant seem to find somebody new that's as
Wonderful baby as you

How can I be sure?
I really, really, really, wanna know
Really, really, wanna know , yeah

Also whether
Whether or not were together
Together will seem that much better
I love you, I love you forever
You know where I can be found

How can I be sure?
In a world thats constantly changing
How can I be sure
I'll be sure with you?

Anyone who had a heart (lyrics)

Beautiful singer........




Anyone who ever loved, could look at me
And know that I love you
Anyone who ever dreamed, could look at me
And know I dream of you
Knowing I love you, so...

Anyone who had a heart
Would take me in his arms and love me too
You couldn't really have a heart and hurt me
Like you hurt me and be so untrue
What am I to do?

Everytime you go away, I always say
This time it's goodbye, dear
Loving you the way I do
I take you back
Without you I'd die, dear
Knowing I love you, so...

Anyone who had a heart
Would take me in his arms and love me too
You couldn't really have a heart and hurt me
Like you hurt me and be so untrue
What am I to do?

Knowing I love you, so...

Anyone who had a heart
Would take me in his arms and love me too
You couldn't really have a heart and hurt me
Like you hurt me and be so untrue

Anyone who had a heart would love me too
Anyone who had a heart would truly take me
In his arms and always love me
Why won't you?

Anyone who had a heart would love me too
Anyone who had a heart would truly take me
In his arms and always love me
Why won't you?

Truly take me in his arms and always love me
Why won't you?

How wonderful is Photoshop

Below are pics of them I took using a normal digi cam, Nikon S210 close up mode, morning ard 9am in my bedroom, further enhance by photoshop:

These are my original subjects:

( a recycled container I use to contain water when I paint)

(the brushes I use, some are badly damaged though)

I believe no matter how good or bad is your cam, its better to futher enhance the effect with photoshop and natural lighting really work wonders....

So ppl! Click right on your cam now and start doing photo-shopping!!

It is me.

When you have it, you dont cherish, then you started asking what or why when you no longer see it.

When its always there for you, you find that its a hassle like a stone blocking your path. When its gone, you should find it a relief instead of feeling weird.

When you say its impt, you merely just make it sound impt, not becos it is.

When it wanted to talk, wanted attention, but receive none. When you wanna give, when you wanna talk, that moment is over, it no longer needs.

It dont need another person to make it wonder everytime. It wonders why everytime it happens. Maybe its all in it's fate, to always be taken for granted and treat as invisible. For it is an empty soul, worthless to be treated seriously nor be cherish.