Transformer! No money can buy!

I watched Transformer!!! It was so fantastic! The best movie I ever watched so far this year. The scenes when how the Chevrolet transformed to Bumblebee, how the radio became a spidy robot, the troop of autobots racing along the expressway, the transforming of every stage captures my attention so much so that I am so wide awake throughout the show. On my way home, alone in the cab, I was approaching the carpark. I saw, Nissan, Suzuki, Mazda, my dad’s car, and I hallucinated they are autobots in disguise. Maybe my dad’s Honda accord is a guardian too. Imagine if it transform, wow! Its gonna be a sliky black and sliver autobots! Super chic!!!!!

Then I was in the washroom, I saw the basin tap, I imagine it’s a transformer, I saw the shower tap, I imagine it’s a transformer, I saw the fridge and imagine it transform and dance in the middle of the night when we are sleeping. Everything in my house become suspicious of being transformer. LOL!!!

And I wish I am a transformer too! Transform into a fast car and run to work every morning!

Gonna catch it a second time if I can.

Here’s an intro of each character for your info!

PROTECT

Optimus Prime
Is the heroic of the Autobots. He is the personification of courage, strength, and integrity. His personal motte is that “freedom is the right of all sentient beings”

Bumblebee
As an Autobot spy. Bumblebee is the untimate robot in disguise. What he lacks in size and strength, he makes up for with courage. He enjoys the company of humans and would do anything for his earthly friends.

Jazz
Jazz picked his sports car form because it’s the epitome of style. If there’s one thing he digs about earth, its human culture.

Ironhide
Ironhide is the toughest autobot around. More than one deception has busted an o-ring just from seeing him narrow his eyes. He sees himself as the cold, steel fist backing up Prime’s inspiring words.

DESTROY

Megatron
Is the leader of the decepticons. He will stop at nothing to establish his empire and destroy autobots.

Barricade
Is a born hunter. On cybertron, he made his name tracking and destroying fleeing autobots. On earth, he took the form of a police care to subvert the public’s trust in authority.

Starscream
Has delusions of grandeur. He chose to resemble an F22 jet because it’s the pinnacle of human technical achievement. He serves Megatron but longs to fill his shoes.

Blackout
Lives for the chaos of the battlefield and delights in destruction. As a military helicopter. Blackout is also the heavy lifter that other deceptions rely on for transport over long distances.

My days are numbered

The days are numbered. I still have some instructions and handing over work to do. Haiz. The whole thing makes me feel so guilty. I feel that resigning is like a sin. Cos my boss has not gotten anyone in yet to replace me. I guess my work is an extra work load to her, or to my existing colleagues. I felt so sorry but more sorry for myself if I keep sparing thoughts for others and not me.


Had a nice lunch treat by my boss (the deputy director) at Bali Thai IMM. 10 of us went and had a hearty meal. Thu, a thrifty spinster is buying me my fav spicy meal and insisted I must accept cos she seldom will treat ppl. Friday an office lunch treat and that will be the time when I will be santa clause and model, going round giving out hersheys and prezzies and taking pictures.

After that is one week honeymoon. My boss tries to sound me out if she can ask me come back work on that week. LOL! Then after that she came to my desk and hugged me saying she is going to miss me, then watery eyes. ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I felt so so so so damn bad!!!!!! I am a bad girl, making ppl cry. :(

Anyway, there is always farewell to everything and everyone. :)

A beautiful day indeed.

Recently I came to know something about someone. The way he used to control and laugh at me when I cut my fringe and even forbids me to do it again, when he complains he hates drinking cos he develop rashes the next day, how the smell of cigarette smoke chokes up his nostrils and pollutes his lungs and everytime his uncle smokes, he closes his bedroom door. he simply hates it!!! How he complains about "curry pok" hair styles and sneer at the girls at their off shoulder dressings, ugly ear rings big like the hand grip found in the buses. How he hated wearing jeans...etc etc Aiyoh!!! All that can be found on his new found toy. Does it mean he change his taste or he is confused over what he wants??

How confidently he sweared to say "I dont like tat woman Sabrina at all !" in front of my family members and close friends. How angry he was when he saw those pics he posted in her blog, how he defended saying dun know what she is thinking when she passed her number to him when his colleagues already warned her saying he is attached, making it sound she was the one who throw herself to her. That was the image he painted to us and his close friends. Telling us she was the wrecker. He always blame me for not trusting him, Umpteen times I said, trust is about earning, not just by giving. And maybe he is still angry with me and thus accepted her since no one else throw themselves upon him? Maybe he just wanna get back at me cos I did something he hate me doing most.

Anyway, isn't it scary to think that if he can do that to you, he might be planning something for his next gf too?? And isnt it scary to think that she is with such a person, lying next to him, she dont even know what he is thinking and planning behind her back? And the worst to think, she gave all his trust and defended for him and getting her friends involve.

Don't she feel like the biggest fool at the end of this world when the truth surfaced out one of these days? And by then, it may be the time when she is already with a child or two?

How much in the name of love could change a person and making someone lossing his ownself? He was so accommodating now becos he thought, to love someone means giving freedom to do whatever she likes? Allowing her to hug shamelessly at anyone even when it shames him if his best friends see it and he still will endure? And how long will this endurance goes on? 1 yr? 2 yrs? 3 yrs before he realise he is not being his ownself anymore? The worst timing to start a relationship is when one is in a confusion state of mind. The honeymoon phase I have also been through, whats so surprising about that? It is nothing new to me.

Was talking with my friends about him and his new found toy and indeed the comments were all the same. How pathetic one acted brave and righteous when concealing the guilt when the night falls?

Knowing his mother, I knew in her heart she must have looked down on her but what else can she say when her son is such a grown up man and supposely with an abled brain.

How would his mother, one who is traditional to certain extend, have thought in her heart, that a woman attached for mths can so readily to offer to stay overnight with her son in her own house. If I am a doting mother, I may have also allow that since someone is offering to sleep with her son for foc. Will his mother even respect her? What can the mother do except to suan her and she don't even know what they means?

Anyway that is her life. And it is not a life I will be jealous of or even has anything to envy about. I do not want to be seen like a woman who is so easy and apparently can hug and sit on almost all men on their laps. In fact, every time I thought about it, I shook my head. The parents just did not do a proper teaching.

Freedom is not about doing everything you please but doing things with moral values and not doing whatever you like to strive for your own happiness in the expense of hurting others. That is self centredness, its not freedom. Freedom is about being able to do things without lossing oneself.

With my downfall in my 1st relationship, I learnt to pick myself up and learnt to give freedom and accept freedom and be independent. I learnt that life is not about friends and boyfriend but also my family.

I learn that my mother forbids me to dye my hair is simply just becos she cares (even if I dye can come home, she is not going to shave it off) and I respected her therefore I did not do that. I rather convince her thats nothing wrong before I do it. That is call common respect.

Anyway with or without hair dye, I still look best. Healthy hair is what matters, better than some red dyed hair, no, erm, I mean hays and at least I got hair still. Not like some mop fringed trying to save her hair by cutting fringe short. The sides are dropping! I can see your scalp!!!

The next guy will definitely be a lucky guy, I promise all of yous.


:)

Clumsy day

Have you realise tat I am blogging lesser lately? That is because I am focusing on the right track. :)

Anyway, how do you deal with whores who throw themsleves at attached guys and still have the cheek to feel triumph about it and feel what they did is nothing wrong? Well, as I said, they are whores. So how to expect them to know? Anyway, those are moley apes. They dun know what is moral values, they are ignorant and naive. They are the worst grp of ppl on earth which even the women will dislike and condemn.

Brought my parents to CSC for jaccuzzi, while they are both happily playing with the water, I was laying back reading mag and occassionally answering to their request for moisteriser, what time is it. I felt like a filippino maid. LOL!!!

Afterwhich was lunching at West Mall then heading home while my dad was running at the speed of 120 to 140, and damn, I dun feel a thing until I keep hearing the change of tone in the engine sound. I trembled when I see the metre and has to plead him to run slower else I will vomit out my food.

Thank god, we are all safely home and I rest for a while, after which planning to meet up with Ginnise for dinner. It was quite a difficult way to coordinate. YC and Kenny were already downstairs waiting for me while I still do not get a reply if Ginnise is ready to pack up from her work. Alas! Managed to settle down at Crystal Jade with them, after which to play some games of pool and then heading for ice creams and back home. Thank you AhMad Chao for sending us home. When I strike 4D, I will treat you and Ginnise and Kenny a sumptous meal. LOL! Wait ok. Wait. Wait long long.....LOL!

Sinner = Singer

Planned a god damn BIG Ktv gathering for the peeps (frome wlny) on 20 June. They certainly enjoyed themselves very much! At first I was worried that the guys have problem communicating with each other cos many were complete strangers, only to have maybe seen the faces online. But that worry was extra! Immediately they were like brother brother to each other!~ Guys....they are equally as san bah like zabohs....LOL!

The 14 of us, excluding another group of peeps (roughly about 6 to 7 of them) who opened another room with their colleagues. I guess that was quite a big group that night. I am glad they enjoyed themselves while I room-hopped to make sure everyone is doing well. Initiately the gathering was planned for the jurong-nians. In the end, one clementi joined, another one from Yishun came down as well. All superstar standard sinners (I mean, singers)! Shingkae brought a professional camera along with his tripod stand. Thank god I don cap.

Then I have to save Ginnise who met a follower on her way to meet me. I was all ready to be prepared to kick and slap and pull the stalker's hair while telling Ginnise to run as fast as she can. MUhahahahahaha! In the end, nothing happen la. Thank god.

The night ended with some of the guys heading for supper while me, ginnise and dehan shared cab back home. What an interesting night!

The downfall of jurong point

With the upgrading works and constructions going on around Jurong Point, the only shopping mall for the far west jurong-nians, I am sad to say, it is always been over crowded with lot of shoppers. But recently, I was shock to see the increase amount of shoppers or just bystanders loitering around the mall.

They are the man in blacks. They have territories around. As long as you step out from the station platform, they are all around you, left and right. You will feel so “protected”. They gathered at any flat lands available, with their bottles of saint in their hands.

In the dark, they swallow the grass patches. In the dark you cannot see them. They are constantly folding arms, standing and looking around as if waiting for someone or something. From a distance, you can feel their presence; their common scent is the big give away. They territorize the MRT station, the bus interchange, the shopping mall, the taxi stand, the public phone booth, the POSB/DBS atms, the 7/11, the electrical stores. In fact they are here, there, everywhere.

Wherever corner, you will spot them. Whichever way you walk, you will come across with them. They have better phones than I have. Regardless weekdays or weekends, they conquer the land. If you can’t beat them, join them! The bangalas in black!

Random

I have not been writing. Been busy with nothing. Just not blogging. I did a obituary pic for myself. It was because the ones in the wakes are ugly. I want something that represents me, my style for all to see. The black is solemn, the white roses are demure. Was death scary? The process maybe. But once, one get use to it, death is nothing. It is a release, it is freedom for me. What is death to you?

I read her blog, Finally she is writing. The wait is worth it. I knew she will do it. A writer will always be. The things I use to do with him, she is doing with him. So pathetic. how pathetic. She is now my representative. She is in my clothes, she is my shadow. Let me wait and see. The day is approaching. In the mean time, I live a better life, surpassing those senseless I love you, you love me.

The shit hole you are in, smells worst than ever and will be the place for you forever.

The war between the fallen angel and villian guy

Vanilla Sky: add you to my msn?
Miumiu: (no reply)
Vanilla Sky: So dao. nevermind. i go do something else.

(Next day…)
Vanilla Sky: hey. wan to go msn
Miu: NO
Vanilla Sky: hahahahha. i knew it.
Miu: then still ask. you are asking for it.
Vanilla Sky: yea me asking for it. precisely. hahahhaha, thanks for entertaining me btw.
Miu: welcome. thank you too.
Vanilla Sky: hahahaa. ur relpy getting more and more stupid. get some sleep soon. hahahahahha.
Vanilla Sky: hahahahahaha. aty least i dont call myself a secret agent. hahahahahahhaa.
Vanilla Sky: thanks for talking to me anyway. even if u never intended to. in the 1st place. hahahahhaahaha. sucker.
Miu: childish.


This is what started a war...

The surreal dream

The unspoken speaks
The blind will lead

Tell me how pathetic
Who should bleed?

Stomp that pretty face
And stone that flawless soul you see
She is not as good you think she is

Applause if you hear her depart
Bottoms to the last drop of wine
The chandelier shall now be dimmed

The unspoken chanted native language
The blind saw horrendous image

The reborn phoenix flew to the chimney
It felt like a déjà vu thing

All for the surreal dream

Eliminated!

Its friday!! The news of my resignation seemed to have spread much earlier. I submitted last Friday, another officer that I am working with, is also leaving! She submitted hers on last Sunday. LOL! Great minds think alike. But guess that brings additional headache to my immediate boss (the deputy director). She has no choice but to quickly grab a new candidate for hire, into our office so that at least, there will be an MSO to taken over my current work.

I am feeling so guilty. It seems my resignation will bring additional work burden to others and others who knew of my resignation, some does not seem to be happy. Some were looking at me with weird glances, some become extra nice, some directly "confronted" me. It seems quite a surprise to most of them that I will chose to leave. This office, this building which I can even see from my own bedroom. This place that is so near to my home which I can even walk home after work. But if I am always considering the short term benefits, what will I learn in long term? Nothing. There I chose to brave thru the storm, regardless if I will sink to the bottom or enjoy the floating. It's the process that matters.

I am trying to clear most of my work, also to create a detailed SOP (standard of procedures) so that the next person who takes over will not garang gabok (panick) ! Am I being too nice? Mum says I should give ppl the chance to learn from scratch and not spoon feeding them, if not they will never know your importance at work. That sounds quite true also. Sigh, when I am around, they wonder what am I doing. When I leave, no one willing to take over my work load. If they think I have always been too free, why they do not want to take over my job scope? Double standard ppl who likes to gossip only.

In this office, as long as you walk around hastily, zapping documents, have many calls for you, shout across aloud that you have many emails to clear, you will be promoted quickly. Those who silently work at their own desk, works independently, one man show only, ppl will be wondering what you are doing. If you offer to learn their work so that in case of emergency when they are not around, they will not teach. Cos to them they thought, are you here to snatch my job? To me it's just working efficiently.

As a result, when they go on leave and when things cock up, there is no way to solve unless awaiting the person to return from leave.

When there are counter or phone inquires pertaining to their related work, they will never come to the counter or answer the call. And so, there will always be a middle man, so call a messenger, to pass the message to and fro between the student and the staff. It always ended up in a threesome (LOL!). Sometimes I wonder why things aint simpler. Isnt it much easier for the staff involved to speak directly to the student over the counter? A simple inquiry can take a 5 mins to solve it! Why? Sometimes I really do not understand why.

That is the different mindset of the young and the old. I cant blame them. At their age of mid 40's, some were spinisters, some divorcee, its tough to even think of a switch in their career. I understand the insecurity they are facing therefore they have to grip their seats tightly.

And so! I chose to eliminate myself, and time to find a greener grass patch (probably?) else where. This current place is only suitable for those who wants to stay on till retirement or those with family commitment who needs a 9 to 5 job. A lone ranger like me, who has experienced staying in office till 2 or 3am. What is time to me? I have got too much to spare.

Rest in peace

Here lies a photo
Does it look sorrow?

Here come the men
Towing her to the land

Her new world will never end
Though she is 6 feet down under

Was it an incident or was it pre-planned?
Does is matter when the outcome is the same in the end?

Send her white roses, she love the most
Give her your tears, so she will be warmed

The gloomy sky covered her body
The coldness devoured her body

Where will her soul be?
When will it be?

Rest in peace.

If only...

You are so near yet so far....
Where have you been my dearest master?
Are you alive or are you dead?
Or are you the living dead I pinned to see?

The silence and thoughts may drive me crazy one day
But life will still go on everyday
In darkness I crawl, in darkness I fall
But in the end, I still stand tall, for you I will be strong.

Will I see you again in the middle of the night again?
When we can drive down the road away from everyone we know and be into each other's arms again, no one will know.
Will you show me your darkest castle and lead me up the stairs again?
Who can bring you that smile and laughter again?
Will you take care of yourself and be geniunely happy again?
You dont have to pretend when you are with me. You can just be what you wanna be.
The kisses under the witness of the moonlight, you said broke down your walls, it shattered mine too. Do you even remember it?

I feel your unhappiness and it twitch my heart so much I realise that you seem to be like an ingrowth, living in me.

The twisted fate that interwined that suffocates me. Do you feel the same too?
I wanted very much to be near but afraid of you. Do you feel the same too?

Are you afraid to hold me again? Are you afraid to hear from me again? Are you afraid to see me again? Are you afraid to talk to me again? Are you afraid to hear updates of me again? Are you afraid to be dependent on me again??

Why are we living in such misery? Fate brings two together but fate separates for you and me.
I can only see you from a distance and look on helplessly. I wanted to tell you everything is fine and will be alright, if you could believe and dream with me.

Hold me again and take time to understand each other again, if you can tell me. If we can start all over again.

I just got married

I went to the temple on sunday to pray and draw lot This Chinese temple at Bugis was a regular temple we always go to, and one which I rely on when I am on wits end.

Mum got me a lot. It was a bad lot. I got myself a lot. It was also a bad lot. Nothing seems right. Although I told myself not to be affected with whatever lot it will be, but somehow, it still affected me. Both lots read misfortune and hardship. The readings on the lots worried me.

I saw a female fortune teller and got her to take my readings. Apparently the results she came out with was to encourage me to change within June, July and August and also mentioned that my current has many obstacles and backstabbings. The readings leading me to nowhere, I realised I have just did something to confuse myself again.

I think and thought over it. Nothing seems to be a good conclusion. Should I stay or stay I move?

In the end, it was half day for me today to get the stuff prepared. I sorted all the documents and get them zap before meeting my groom and I finally signed. From 09 July onwards, I shall belong to you, my groom, my new company, T.W. :)

The amusing english man

Went shopping again, yes, window shop...... had a good chat at Burger King with Ginnise. I thought I gotten over but damn, tears rumbled again when it touched that topic which I never told her before what happen during that fateful day in my house. So I guess the cut is just too deep I guess, it will never be erased but that does not mean I can't move on.

Was at Borders looking through some books when I heard some commotions over at the counter, An old english man was arguing with the staff over at the counter. Apparently the book he left at the counter was no longer there and the staff was trying to explain to him that it might have been taken away by another colleague of hers. The english man was jumping in anger and the more he talks the louder he became. I love his classic way of scolding. "Stew-pit! This is so stew-pit! Stew-pit! Stew-pit! Stew-pit! Face like a blah-D ber-nah-nah" (when you read this, imagine the English man accent) . The rest of the shoppers may have looked at him. Me? I was busy with my browsing I have no time to look up and check him out with his kiddish behaviour. Will you treat a 5 year old kid, who never get his toy car and stomping his foot on the ground making so much noise, seriously? He is just like one.

Anyway life is so much happier with ppl like that to entertain us with such amusement.

I mourn

I mourn the day
The day when it ended
The time when we are just too confused and careful
The day when we stop contacting, I mourned

I am still mourn for that fateful day
The day when it ended so fast I never expected
I mourn with laughter, I mourn without tears, I feel numbness
Occasionally thinking about it, the twitch still exist I thought I have gotten over it

I still misses you dearly
I went borders and thought of you.
I read up books which are I thought is useful to you
I went crystal jade and thought of fried rice, and you
I went mac cafe and saw that faded picture of us chatting, and you
I went movie and thought of gold class we sat in, and you.

But now I mourn, that fateful day when we ended it all.

Have you lost her?

Did you just lost someone you thought you don't love?
After lossing you realise you do love?
Have you met her? The someone you love?
Do you wish to have her?
Do you wish to embrace her?
Do you wish you could just abandon all to be with her?

Have you just lost someone you thought you don't love?

Yes, I have told

I have told. Yes, I am leaving. I will be leaving my current workplace and join the private sector again after working here for coming 6th year. The sudden sadness brewed in me when I typed the email to inform her of my intention. I don't know why. But everyone has to move on. Once I have chosen a path, I should not look back anymore and confuse myself. I had a good chat with my boss just now and she seemed happy for me. She is the nicest boss I ever got and I feel so indebt to her. The mix feeling of joy when I am finally moving on, starting afresh, and the sadness of leaving the familar faces... that toilet cubicle which was my comforting area when I need to cry my heart out. I have to leave all these behind. Finally...

Uncertainty is in the mid air but it's the same everywhere. Traveling distance may take longer now but the three years to and fro from Jurong to Tampines (when I was studying in Temasek Poly) has polished me well. I have got to move out from the comfort zone.

After this entry, I will be submitting my resignation online. My journey is ending, so soon...but starting another one in time to come.

What is constant? Answer: Change.