AT work, my colleagues, my future?

Monday, back at work in my cosy office. Pin up all those souveniers my ex colleages and friends gotten for me on my new pinboard.

11am. My colleague was nice enough to accompany through the long walk to DED to collect my access card to my office door. The walk to DED, though long, but was very peaceful. You will get to see the swimming pool, the big greenery, tennis courts (i think) and it just leave you in peace and serenity. This place that I am working in is less "hurried" than those you see walking in NTU. Big gardens, flat lands, and nice students and esp my colleagues.

Had a nice lunch with my ah fu ge who is kind enough to walk over from his faculty to join me at my premise. Chat a little and did the same old craps. Suddenly a sense of "sadness" overwhelmed me when we parted at the lift lobby. LOL! Well, guess cos he is one of the limited kind soul I became friends with while I was still in NTU. And am glad I approached him during the convocation to tekan him with some silly questions. I knew I can be quite a bully. LOL!

Then, was walking to the pantry to fill up my cup when my colleagues called out to me. They showed me a BIG beetle, koala-bear hugging an apple core. I thought was a toy beetle until they convinced me that they picked it up on the road side and they decide to rear it in the office and they even named it Oscar. This colleague of mine has weird taste she even have a mini cobra (dead) soak in liqour and keep in a bottle, which she puts as display on her desk and she thought if Oscar dies, she is going to pin it up at her desk. LOL!

Then I was thinking of an exotic pet for myself, and I thought of hermit crabs again. Or maybe dead feotus soak in my urine? Hmm......what else can I keep?

You know, back in my ex office in NTU, no colleagues will ever be that friendly enough to even show if they are keeping ants at their desks. Everyone just mind their own business. Whenever you are in doubt, they will just say "I dun know, I am not sure, Not my area" just to brush you off. And whenever there are office lunch parties, everyone will gather around the buffet to pick up their food and went back to their own cubicle to sliently devour it. In constrast, this new dept, though also under NTU, you can feel the strong bonding the staff has for each other. They do not make you feel that asking questions are sins, or make you think that you are all alone. Step by step, they will tell you what is to be done, bit by bit they will impart you, slowly letting go of their hands when I am ready to work independently. And they actually communicates. :)

I am looking forward to the retreat this thur and probably this will be the right place for me. How many wrongs to make one right. This may sounds true now.

Maybe holding a part time to help out someone starting up his business and I really hope to be given the oportunity to try out and learn. God, give me strength, give me determination, give me the trust that I can do it. Give me time....

My Happy Sunday

Had a nice breakfast at Raffles Hotel with my family. That plate of Nasi Lemak sure worth that 10 bucks or more. With two fishes, one ortah, egg, ikan billis, groundnuts, and one drumstick. Best is the pandan fragrance rice. And guess how much a kosong prata cost? 9 bucks per piece. Imagine if you buy from the nearest hawker with that money! Think you can get a whole stack of pratas home, use one for facial mask, another as mousepad, and the list goes on depending on your imagination.







Then went to temple, to taman jurong to watch some kids and professional go-karters riding fast and furious. It was exciting simply even by standing there to hear the sound of the engine, the smell from the burning fuel, and viewing that speed. But the ride seems too bumpy and I guess really have to hold on tight to the steering wheel. During the first few rounds, you will have to drive abit fast and do abit of a zig zag ride so that the tyres gets heated up by the friction and melt abit and so it will get sticky and grip well on the road.

It was hilarious to watch those teenagers seriously competing with each other and they sure ride fast but the professionals were even faster! They have their own kart, adding the fuel themselves, doing rounds of checks, wearing their helmets and off they disappear in the ring. Its like watching a mini F1 race. 10mins for 40bucks is all it takes to allow you to experience that speed. But the ring seems quite small. Looking forward for such a day where I will drive that mini kart.

Then was meeting YC for movie and dinner. My sunday starts as early as 10am ends at 12:30am. And I slept at 4am on sat. Then monday morning waking up at 6:30am, working till 5:45pm, walked back home for 30mins, then meeting YC to ikea and here I am again, staying up till 12:45am. Told you, I sure wanna die of fatigue.


Till then!

I wish

If I can turn back the clock, I wanna go back to 1992. Where I will work harder for my PSLE and not enrol in Shuqun Sec.

Then I will have insist not attending the Comm Stream and do Arts streams instead. I will have insist to enrol in NAFA regardless.

And then I will not have met you friends, and have you guys to intro me to him.

And then guess my whole life will have changed with lesser regrets.


I wish I have stab him to death and die together, I wish I have jump down right in front of him and come back as a spirit to watch him for life. I wish I have set him on fire. I wish I could have make a din at his ministry and make him loss his job. I wish I could have throw his dog out from the window. I wish I can dissect him and display in my art gallery just like what JJ did.

I wish I can accept someone, to have someone to take care of me, someone I can really entrust, someone whom I can put my trust. I really wish, but its not that easy. Its never about whether anyone else is good enough for me but its me. This wall is solid and all around me. I dun know how long will it takes to e demolish or if it even will be.

I wish I never meet you at all, never. You are my greatest regret. You become a phobia to me. You become my haunting spirit. You become the one setting me on fire turning my soul to ashes. You become that history in my life story. You become that blotch in my life which can never be erased. Do you know how much that adds up to make me hates you? I know you do know. But I know you will say, get a life its been so long! Its not your fault for putting me in this state cos its me who cant just get over. It's me. It's always me. Its always never your fault. Just like how you said its my own fault for being careless when I fell for chasing after your arrival train when you hurried me thru phone. Just like how you blamed me for asking so much questions even when we are facing a break up. And I actually believe in you. Its me. I am never good enough for anyone. Its me. I am not a nice person. Its me. I am rejected good. Its me. I am the one difficult to get along. Its me. Its me for allowing your words to defeat me and impact my life. Its me. Its never about you. Never about you. Never.....

月牙湾

敦煌古墓的沙粒
带着我们的际遇
我从半路看回去
这秦关漫漫好蜿踞
梦想穿过了西域
包含了多少的缠意
爱情像一本游记
我会找寻它的密语
看..月牙湾下的泪光
在丝路之上被遗忘
是谁的心啊孤单的留下
他还好吗我多想爱他
那永恒的泪那一句话
也许可能蒸发
是谁的爱啊又为谁降下
轻声呼唤就让我融化
那一滴雨水演化成我翅膀
向着我爱的人追吧
梦想穿过了西域
包含了多少的缠意
爱情像一本游记
我会找寻它的密语
看..月牙湾下的泪光
在丝路之上被遗忘
是谁的心啊孤单的留下
他还好吗我多想爱他
那永恒的泪那一句话
也许可能蒸发
是谁的爱啊又为谁降下
轻声呼唤就让我融化
那一滴雨水演化成我翅膀
向着我爱的人追吧
是谁的心啊孤单的留下
他还好吗我多想爱他
那永恒的泪那一句话
也许可能蒸发
是谁的爱啊又为谁降下
轻声呼唤就让我融化
那一滴雨水演化成我翅膀
向着我爱的人追吧

Happy Tired yet Contented

Finally settling down in this place. Finally had a conducive place to work. High partition, A big document cupboard for confidential files, and some more cabinets right at the top. There are only me and 5 other colleagues in this cluster and no counter inquiries I need to attend to. A very heart warming place.




We had a mini lunch treat together with some HOD and it makes me realize how cold and distance among my ex colleagues in my previous working environments. Here, ppl lunch as early as 11:30 to avoid crowds. Leaving office 15mins before knocking off time. Ppl buy me lunch even after insisting I have no appetite. It was so nice of her.And this coming thur, we will be having a retreat at a club, which will be a whole day event and we are all excuse from work.

Having my orientation week and will be rather busy once everything is right on track. They have been very understanding and even comforted me not to hurry, enjoy my honeymoon first while they will slowly hold my hands to guide me thru my job scope. The whole organisation really works in a family oriented culture. Even taking lift, you can have strangers asking you politely which floor you going, and have a little chat with me.

I just hope everything is as it seems to be. Will be meeting up with ex colleagues for lunch one of these days, and have my candlelight lunch with my Ah Fu Ge....LOL!!

The journey home is a long walk, up slope, down slope, stairs, steps, overhead bridges and buildings. It took me roughly a 40mins to walk back home. LOL! Crazy right? Sometimes I walk the wrong route and had to turn back, sometimes I climb down the flights of steps and along the 100th steps then realise it is blocked for some construction work and I have to climb up again and walk dwn from another stairs... Imagine all these ups and downs, luckily it never get me down and still, I manage to reach mt destination.

Life is the same, many wrong routes I walked, many ups and downs, but eventually I believe, everything will fall in place one of these days and I will be able to reach my destined destination.

The mind games

The mind games we play is a wonderful game
The mind games train you and me to think one more second
The mind games stirs up some excitement and anticipation
Mind games challenges your opponent to think a step further
Mind games teach you to think out of the box
Mind games gives you confidence when you win your opponents


I love to play mind games cos its a challenge and it some how makes me high when I see someone confused, and dilemma, and wondering and unsure. It's just so fun! Of cos its damn disheartening when someone plays mind games with me but of cos thats thrilling too!

Are you game enough to play another mind games with me? :)

When the lightning wedding invite strikes!

The cold nights and long hours of chatting got me thinking, I may just decide to ROM all of the sudden cos I am really tired of life. Isnt what life should be? Study, eat, sleep, drink, find a stable job, start a family, grow old with a family? Isnt that what a life should be? Should that be a life? Many told me, thats life...

Maybe its time to really consider that. Maybe its time to really stop and ask myself how much time wasted chasing the impossible and unknown and taking those around me for granted.

I have always been doing things that are out of the norm. Sometimes I am predictable and while you think I am predictable, suddenly I am doing something you never thought of. I am so damn eccentric I dont even know myself.

One of these days, maybe tomorrow, you may just receive my wedding card, isnt that exciting to know the unknown when it will be make known? Will anyone even care....

You have to watch this if you are a human who long for love

Die also have to complete watching this. I love this MV damn lots and been replaying watching it. That biopolar character JJ acted. Wow! So evil, so gruesome, so full of obsession. And his dance moves.......completely sweep me off!!!!!

Directions

Yeah! Finally settling my work issue and is joining another organisation soon. Getting a better payout but of cos work is equally stressful. But guess the familiar environment will help to ease me a little since the company culture is hearsay much better, I hope it will really be the place I have been looking for.

Ginnise is back and with her two big one small bags....shook my head....overweight and have to courier back some other stuffs she bought back sg. Shopping Queen indeed. How I wish I can travel like her. But knowing myself, a timid stupid girl. Guess I will even lost my way if I travel alone in Orchard. Plus Taiwan is full of Chinese words don't think I will make sense of the words if I am traveling alone. And asking me to take public transport by buses or trains, I will get even more worried. So girl, I admire you, you earned my respect. LOL! But hey, I believe I can be independent too. I just need baby steps.

Things seem more or less settled and I have a little direction here in front of me already.




And hey! Thank you Victor, for your nice lilies. Sorry for not being able to meet up after mths from your returned trip. Thanks for the George Bush Teddy, I like it alot cos it's in my fav blue. And those lilies lying outside my main door surprised me alot when I got home with my mum. Er....I was "interrogated", as usual by my parents and they also headache why their daughter always surprise them, "huh? another one again?"

But guess thats just some friendly gesture to signifies our friendships isnt it? Sincerely thank all of yous for your love and care and concern and adoration.

Sometimes I feel escaping from reality and into the outer space so that I can have more time to see each of your faces clearly.

What do I want? I still have not make up my mind or even wish to. Was it cos of the haunting past? Was it becos I was waiting for someone? Was it becos I have not more faith in myself?

Oh god, I really dun know. Thoughts run through everyday what should I do but I am really confused. I just know life goes on too.

The journey which suppose to be short...

It seems like,
It seems not

It hopes to be,
But scare to be...


Went Dempsey for ice cream at Ben and Jerry. Then I wanted to see those merlions at Md Sultan. Probably to witness some fights if I can with my own eyes. But......

The journey to Md Sultan was a long long journey cos he lost his way along Tiong Bahru, turned around Great World City thrice, traveled pass Bukit Merah, Chinatown I forgot for how many times...... all becos he was holding my hand and guess he is lost in his own thoughts or was too delighted that he dun know how to steer his steering wheel anymore... :)

How in the name of it can make someone become so silly. :) But silly-ly funny... Appreciate for all that you did and I will never ever forget.

The hole in my heart

The hole in my heart got me painted this. One friend says it looks like a supernova, I think it looks like it too.

Er...the paint is still "fresh" when I took the pic. Ginnise is coming back tomorrow! Yeah!!!

Brave one?

The Brave One may seem like a dumb story but how much will you feel of what she went through? When everything seems so right and normal and smooth sailing, it just need to take a second or two to destroy everything right before your own eyes. And you do not have the strength to oppose, to fight, to defend, to protect. You became a victim, helpless, timid and withdrawn.

You world become a total darkness and when all the while you need light to survive. And when all of the sudden, you need to learn how to eat and drink and sleep in total despair when your source of living has long been dead.

You became a walking zombie, many times you do not know what you are doing but something seems to be controlling you and leading you to do what you did. Many actions were beyond a sensible mind to explain.

How much anger and hate and agony that struggles and anytime they will explode to drive you do things you thought you will never do. While others thought you are being insensible and unfair to the innocent ones who did not contribute to your immediate downfall, but what you do is simply just to protect yourself against any other possible harm becos you have been through it once helplessly. You learn to defence yourself when you sense something going against or trying to harm you again.

And there is no one who can help you except yourself but you just do not know how to help your ownself or maybe you do but just being controlled by some unknown force that will just hinder you from doing something good to yourself.

Life is full of misjudge, unfairness, cold attitude, no one seems to be bother with how others live. Is that whining or just a genuine thought of what goes on in this world? How many things we wish we can, we hope we will be, but some times, either its circumstances or other beings on earth that leads to us taking an alternative in life instead of how we wish we can, we hope we will be doing.

Are you the brave one?

Surreal

Surreal come, surreal go
Surreal leaves foot prints in your soul
Surreal loves the fields to be mellowed

Surreal dream of a bed of gold
Surreal wants to be with you till old
Surreal do not want to be followed

Surreal saw a big big hole
Surreal jump into and began to roll
Surreal hopes to be told

Surreal gives you a hope of gold
Surreal wish you be there to hold
Surreal thought you were the one at the end of the hole

But Surreal saw no one out in the cold
Surreal always between fold
So Surreal chose to die in the cold and odd gallow.

Sunshine Sunshine Sunshine

I am a happy sunshine!
The glow is shown when I smile!

I am the happy sunshine!
The whole world brightens when I shine!

I am a happy sunshine!
The ray makes the flower blooms and the morning dew will form

When the darkness fall
Sunshine you see no more

And who will know,
Where sunshine hides,
In the corner of the world,
Alone in the darkness,
Where only in darkness,
Can she allow herself to cry

And when darkness takes a break
Happy sunshine shines again
And so is the same everyday...

NUN

When all is done
Miu wants to be a nun
But she is very kuai lan
Always want to eat pork bun

The nunnery says Miu should get a hunk
But Miu still wants to be a nun and insist she dun need a hunk.
She hangs her strings of beads out in the sun
Then a robber came and points her with a gun

Miu took a run
but tripped and fell right on her butt
The robber caught up and said it's so fun!

Miu got du lan
And with her mighty thumbs
She suck it right into his drums
And the robber screamed out till he become dumb!

And Miu took back her strings of beads from the scorching hot sun
And went back to the nunnery, begging to become a nun.


LOL!!! A boh liow poem i wrote, trying to rhyme with the word "NUN".

Updates

Went to this new place for dinner. Never thought Alexandra has such a nice place just like dempsey road. This place is located at Gillman Village, up in a corner and hiding from the main road. You will see some nice restaurants there and we finally chose this one, called the Grand Peony. The exterior infrastructure is a typical oriental restaurant, with very old and traditional door ways and windows which seems to bring me back to the 70's or 80's. We ordered some simple dishes and all were sumptuously tasty! And you know what is sprite pronounce in mandarin?? Its call "shue bi". YC and I was drilling our brains thinking what is shue bi then i suddenly thought the waitress may mean sprite. LOL! For a moment, I thought I was in CHINA! The prawn omelette is really very nice. The crispy and well fried exterior wrapping the big fresh prawns, damn nice and we were wondering how many eggs were use to cook that plate of thick omelette. In the end I have no courage to ask. But guess it should not be less than 5 eggs. Though the place look small but surprisingly, ppl held their weddings there! It was exceptionally very empty and that is just the right place ambience. I hate crowds and noise. It is just a nice place to have a simple dinner.

Sunday met up with Karen Cheong. This woman is getting married! Finally and I cant believe that she is going to be someone else's wife. LOL!! Karen! Behave yourself huh, you cannot anyhow scold bad words k. And kick your husband down the stairs if he is bad to you. LOL!! Kidding! I know you will not bear to do that.

Had a nice dinner at Pivdorf! I simply love the hot chocolate, black pepper pork chop, er...salad and the onion soup are so so. Then we saw this young lady, wow! When I saw her stood up, I simply cannot believe my eyes. Is that a short or an underwear?? She is very slim but though probably a size s, she is wearing a xxs short around her butt. The top elastic band was grabbing tightly, slightly below her waist, bugging and squeezing some skin around that waist. The piece of cotton material is just enough to cover her two butts and if she is to slightly do a 90 deg bending forward, I guess you can even see her arse hole. And there she was, pulling and adjusting that mini shorts which at one point I suspect it's meant for kids. It just does not look sexy at all!! But I do admire her nice figure. But maybe she just needs a more comfortably shorts thats all.

Then we continue to have coffee and tea cakes at TCC. Tiramisu was nice! And there they were, taking turns to "lecture" and brainwash me. It was really a nice meet up with you and Justin. And though my life is abit drama, but still its life experience which not many can get to go thru and grow thru! I know how lucky I am and I really I know but right now I have got more impt things to settle 1st. Step by step, one by one, hope I can conquer all in time!

And my dear Ginnise is alone in Taiwan! Miss you like hell! Worry for you too. Come back quick! I will go airport fetch you yah! Next time my turn to make you worry, I will go Afghanistan for one year. LOL!!! But yes, if I can, I will love to travel alone too. Maybe next year shall be my turn. Come back soon yah....!

This endless hole

There is this hole
Its black and hollow

There is this hole
Which is deep and cold

There is this hole
You cant seems to fill it even with gold

There is this hole
That screams silence and you will never find a single pole

There is this hole
Where all ard, there is nothing for you to hold

And this hole
lies in this heart in my soul
That does not seems to be able to go

What can fill up this hollow pit and seal it,
So that it can leaves me alone
So that I can live with joy and not sorrows.

Time flies

Time passes by like the shooting stars in one’s eye.
The willow tree standing by has been frozen by the ice.
My oh my! How time files!
Who has even notice how much lives and deaths pass by

Look around you, fellow men
What has slipped through your magic lamp
How much you missed while you are chasing after the glam
And what left after all these scam...

So long.....

It been so long since I last visited this place. Brought my mum and dad there to soak water while I feed myself with fries and reading National Geographic. The magazine inspired me to took some pics.










Then dad brought us to eat curry fish head and claypot bean curb and damn! I dropped my fav prawn on the table!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That fat and pinky colored prawn that has been de-shelled and curled up nicely like a mini wheel. Argh! I ate my fish head while mourning over that fact that I cant sink my teeth onto that prawn which lies nicely on the table next to my plate! Imagine that crunchy bite and sweet flesh you taste. Argh!!! I lower my head and stare at the prawn and sulk my face while my mother laughed at me! Imagine your own mother laugh at you!!! wha liow!!! Damn sian....

Red Dot Museum

Went to Red Dot Museum on sunday and gosh! It is just the place I wish I can work in. That ambience is just what I hope I should be indulge in everyday. The fleamarket is rather an eye opener. Many are selling handmade jewelleries. There are some who are selling vintage polariods, designed tee shirts, photography shoots printed on postcard size and paint works.

Afterwhich I went to People's Park and wow! The flats looks very old, very "hong kong".



Shopped alone whil waiting for the guys to settle their own business then to Plaza Sg for dinner and Cathay to catch a movie, The Italian. Nice show about this Russian boy from the Orphanage whom, just with a simple thought, that is to find his mother whom abandon him years ago. An adorable boy who you will just feel like cuddling him into your arms to keep him save from all the harms and bullies.

Those seats........

Have you ever wonder if these seats serve any purpose? While your legs are drop dead not gorgeous but tired, you just need to rest your calves. But while you thought you could rest your butt comfortably on the seat, it some how rejected you by making you slip constantly from it while there you are, fighting back by struggling to keep your butt on it. You will need to strain your calves even more by using your feet to push your butt back to the surface of the seat and every sec, you feel yourself slipping lower and lower and there you are again, struggling to push your butt back on the seat. It became a cycle for that few mins, which seems to take forever, while you are waiting for the arriving train. The smooth surface has no grip. The convex design, with a slight slop to the front, does not serve what it main purpose suppose to be. Is that one of a design in SMRT just like the Tan Swie Hian’s calligraphy splashing on the floor and on the walls in Chinatown MRT Station? Or was it suppose to let us rest our feet? Or was I just not having long legs, long enough to hold on to the seat??? Can SMRT tell me please? Tell me? Tell me please?? I am so confused!

Zhang Fei, my old lover.. LOL!

You must listen to the Zhang Fei's version but below are how Jazzy and dreamy these songs can swing me:


Last Waltz: http://www.yf.net.cn/musichall/070718-05.mp3

A pitty that this is the only workable one I am able to retrieve. Else I recommend you to purchase his CD!

The upper class waitress/nannies?

Recently, I have got friends asking me why dont I try out applying for Flight Stewardess position. I mean, I have heard of that since many years ago. My ex colleagues always encouraged me to consider that. I do have that dream when I was in my poly days. I mean, it was good pay, gets to travel, "easy job", gets to look great at all times and admire by many, blah blah blah. Yup! Indeed it felt great to be called The SG Girl. Back then, I admire them very much. They were like a Singapore Icon. But becos of my eye sight, my fear for swimming in the water, and dreaded attention, thank god that idea was dropped without much hesitation.

The heads turned when they see your hour-glassed figure in that batik uniforms. Thick make ups to highlight facial features slightly lesser than a wayang actress, nice handbags to show off the glam side of the occupation and conceals the ugly side of it, good posture to portray you are different from others or simply becos of the tight fitted uniforms that keeps one's spine upright all the time, neat styled hair which seems like one is wearing a wig poured with over-coated hair spray.

All you have to do is to bring the passengers their drinks, foods, blankets, showing them how to wear the life saving vest and how to blow the whistle. Taking care of the passengers like you are a nanny. Is that just so simple? I believe there are so much tough trainings behind that glam look which was portray to the public. How many of them will have to withstand unreasonable requests, squeezing through that narrow walk way, withstanding those lewd eyes checking out your butt, or how many back stabbings there are among colleagues and how stressful it can be when you have to deal with imprompt two demands in the public eyes?

An officer once told me that it is not as glam as many years before. Flight stewardess is just another job and the standards and demand criterias have dropped drastically. Rumours saying many simply just hop ard into different hotel rooms simple becos they thought it was safe and "adultery" will never get caught when you are in overseas. Many times there are pros and cons we just have to weigh. I do not believe all the girls will do that but never dares to rule out that possiblity cos everything has it's bright and dark side.

I was at the airport some time back and saw the SG Girls again. But I realise that admiration I had for them was long gone. Some was abit shorter than me, some were a little tiny bit fleshy, trying to squeeze and hide their extra fats in the body hugging uniforms (but in the end got highlighted by the number of rings formed around their waist) which seems to be bursting if they ever bend down to scratch their ankle. The make ups I used to thought were looking great, now looks abit scary esp if I sees them in the late evenings.

Seriously right now, they are simply just an upperclass waitress to me when I need my drink or nannies to nurse me when I need a blanket. The glam and unglam sides you see, its up to your beliefs. I still prefer to be taken care of when I am traveling.

YC! Glad you never join Qatas! LOL!

My 1997 - 2007

Looking through my certificates and employment letters, I just realised that I have stepped into the working industry since 1997.

After leaving Shuqun Secondary, I started working, taking up different types of short stints, even worked on a 12hrs night shift becos of the good monetary rewards. But that does not last long becos of objection from my parents. Eventually I found an admin position with a pay off of 750 bucks (with OT payout) and worked there for 6mths during the vacation period before I continued my studies.

At the age of 17, I was such a green horn to the working society. Even to the extend of being made used by that company's manager (I still remember his name, Mr Gordon Goh), who made me leave my working place for a few hours just to follow him to his ex wife's house to help out sorting out some textile samples for them. He was a lewd fat man whom made lewd comments to me while we were waiting for his ex-wife to return home. At that young age, I was not sensitive enough to understand his comments till when I got older, I realised, he is such a fat ugly balding lewd man.

During my poly days, I took up night tutioning for a primary school, and eventually got an offer to teach in a tuition centre with quite a good pay of 25bucks per hour. The earnings from the tution actually helps to see me through my poly education, paying for my daily expenses, my cab fares (when I have a 8am lab which I cannot miss), meals at cafes (sometimes when the canteen gets crowded or the weather is hot). Some students felt it was such a luxury I was living but hey, I worked for it.

Traveling from Jurong to Tampines was quite a hassle. The to and fro journey plus waiting time took me about 4 hours ride everyday. While SP or other nearby polys do offer the same engineering course, some friends simply can't comprehend why I need to go all the way to Tampines. And every time when that doubt arises, I have to explain saying, "it was merely becos I fell for the architectural design of TP". Friends thought I was crazy! And my craziness lasted through for 3 years until I completed my course.

And because of the long journey, sometimes I have to endure the hunger during the evenings and that eventually leads to bad health cos of terrible gastric pain. I remembered the time when I had a terrible gastric pain and had alight from the train adruptly to rush to the washroom to throw up my milo. The worst time was when I had another gastric "attack" which left me slumping on the clinic's long sofa, not able to stand nor walk. I thought I was dying...The doc warn if that continues, I will soon develop stomach ulcer. Thank god that never happen. But the aftermath has left me quite a bad impression and sometimes when that feeling comes back, I dread and fear of it.

After graduating from Temasek Poly, I took up a contract in a supercomputing firm, helping them with the admin and secretarial task for an indonesian boss (I still remember his name, Mr Rene Widjaja). After ending my one year contract with SGI, I moved on to work with an educational institution and stayed with it for 6 years.

The recent switch, back to the private sector again, I realise, manufacturing field is not not my cup of tea. It's just too boring and monotonous. I still prefer the educational & learning or arts related industries.

Have you realised that I have been working for almost 10years? LOL! (Part time job included lah). I cant believe it too...

I would have been lying

I would have been lying if I say I do not feel anything, only till the point I saw your swollen hand, I realise, my heart does feel the pinch.

I would have been lying if I say things may not work out, when I did a serious consideration, almost everyday.

I would have been lying if I say you are just a friend, when I allow you to hold my hand for that short while, which is good enough right? :)

I would have been lying if I say I dun feel like seeing you, until the point when times you mention you wish to see me, I actually accommodate no matter how late or tired I am.

I would have been lying if I say I do not like your attention, until the point when I was actually thinking, I am enjoying being dote by you.

I think its just fair for you to know these instead of burying it in my heart. Are you that lost key to this icy lock? I wish not cos I still like to prefer it locked for some more time. Just let me enjoy this dark moment a little more! :)

But I like it when you scold me than hearing your caring words. I feel more loved when you scold me for my own good. Yeah, I am sadist. I like to see you in your uniform, yeah, I have fetish for such things, just not in nurse/chambermaid/bunny uniform k. LOL! Kidding! I like to see you in casual wear, which is more of your style and makes you look more confident. Simplicity is what attracts me.

And for all that you have done and given me, therefore you deserve that big hug! and many more hugs maybe! maybe? maybe?! Let me think abt it.. LOL!

I am glad, really glad to have meet you and I cherish you much soulmate. I can get you fork and spoon just don't ask me to cut the cutlet for you to eat cos I am not the one who cause your injury! But I can offer to carry your shopping bags or hold the steering wheel or uncap the mineral water bottle for you oke?

Hope your hand gets well soon.

你是爱我的

同样的一场日落 (it was the same sunset)
同样你还是没说 (as usual, you did not say)

只是抱紧我 (just embraced me)
时间一到就松手(letting go when the time is up)

你用一万个理由(you have a million reasons)
都比沉默还温柔 (and all were more gentle than silence)

为什么爱我又不断退后 (why do you back off when you love me?)
你害怕的是什么(what are you afraid of?)
你想要的是什么 (what do you want?)
站在你背后 (standing behind you)
我连呼吸都痛 (it hurts even taking a breath)

我要相信你是爱我的 (I have to believe you loved me)
我要相信你是勇敢的 (I have to believe you are brave)
我烦时间是最残酷的 (II troubled cos time is cruel)
我怎么等 (How should I wait?)

我要相信你是爱我的 (I have to believe you loved me)
不要当我每次唱情歌 (I do not want to sing every love songs)
眼里总有太多泪 (with eyes filled with tears)
不停拉扯 (struggling non stop)

我用一万个答案 (I use a million answers)
解释我们的距离 (To explain the distance between us)

到最后发现我全都猜错 (but in the end, I have guessed all wrong)
你害怕的是什么 (what are you afraid of?)
你想要的是什么 (what do you want?)
站在你背后 (standing behind you)
我连呼吸都痛 (it hurts even when taking a breath)

我要相信你是爱我的 (I have to believe you loved me)
我要相信你是勇敢的 (I have to believe you are brave)
我烦时间是最残酷的 (I trouble cos time is cruel)
我怎么等 (How should I wait?)

我要相信你是爱我的 (I have to believe you loved me)
不要当我每次唱情歌 (I do not want to sing every love songs)
眼里总有太多泪 (with eyes fill up with tears)
不停拉扯 (struggling non stop)

你怀里有太多问号 (you have many questions in your embrace)
告诉我怎么依靠 (tell me how should I depend?)

我要相信你是爱我的 (I have to believe you loved me)
我要相信你是勇敢的 (I have to believe you are brave)
我烦时间是最残酷的 (I trouble cos time is cruel)
我怎么等 (How should I wait?)

我要相信你是爱我的 (I have to believe you loved me)
不要当我每次唱情歌 (I do not want to sing every love songs)
眼里总有太多泪(with eyes fill up with tears)
不停拉扯 (struggling non stop)

SPOP

Hey! Have you heard of SPOP by Channel U? My friend has taken part in the competition by uploading his musics in the gallery. Two of the songs are sang by me.


The competition is about......please read what follows which I cut and paste from the website:

Debuting on 26 Nov, S-POP HURRAY! is the largest scale music festival ever produced by MediaCorp. This mega production will kick off with a special 2-hour concert and blaze on with a series of 16 one-hour shows featuring big names from the local and regional music industry. The festival will culminate into a grand finale that will be held at the Singapore Indoor Stadium on 23 Mar 2008, where Asia's biggest popstars will grace the event as we honor some of Singapore's most celebrated songs and successful singers/musicians.



Here's the links to the 15 seconds preview of the songs sang by me:

各选角度－trance mix: http://spop.mediacorptv.sg/demo/b04c72e228a713bca37fc128c577b4e7.mp3

love diary: http://spop.mediacorptv.sg/demo/0f3c0119c14faad0df36f8c7b7991af8.mp3