Appreciating all the good that happens to you

Yesterday I got that remark again. The same one again. “You are the type of girl whom I will avoid to love because you are too much a nice girl”. I can’t believe hearing it again nor understand what that means. Don't misunderstood I am "in love" again. Please. Nothing of sort. he is just a friend who just happen to commented that because of the conversation we had.

Do I give guys such insecure thoughts? And I thought I was the one feeling insecure all the while. What is going on in your brains? I don’t know. Am I really that good? If really so, please hold on to me and refuse to let me go. Do not be afraid to love me. If you are, please stop thinking/imaginating/hallucinating that I am too nice girl. I have many flaws you have not seen, yet.

Then this friend of mine, told me about this girl (whom I dun know actually) who has been spending on his money (as if it’s her money). Can you imagine shopping for things and expecting or apparently forcing a guy you date to pay for it? And we are not talking about Giordano, This Fashion or Ki Ki La La but high end boutiques! I have never ever meet such ‘generous’ (or naïve) guy before. I was quite a surprise to hear that because it sounds so like those drama tv serials I watch on Channel 8! Damn! How come that never happen to me??????????? LOL!

I never expect any gifts from any guys I date. The most expensive gift I accepted was from my ex bf who bought for me was a Titus dress watch which cost about 200 bucks and it was during my special occasion, my bday. I felt so heart pain for him (Back then I mean, but too bad! I smashed it into many pieces already). Come to think of it, I got to credit him for showering me "love" by spending on expensive durian mooncakes, CNY goodies, expensive dinner at Ritz Carlton (once only oke! I never initiated it), all the movies, food, cab fares, on me. Muahahaahaha! Am I a money squander too? But I guess that is what I deserve because I have always been a faithful, doting and caring gf! My report card is good. Muahahahahahahahhaha! I have also bought him special gifts on occassions what. So that is a draw. *funny*

Anyway! Even a treat for dinner or movie will make me feel so uneasy if it’s out with a guy whom I go out with as a friend. Of cos, if as my boyfriend, I do have certain expectations towards him to pay for the dates but not everything I buy or splurge on! Dinner, movies tickets, cabs, I think they are just fine for a bf to pay but not by default or a must. As for someone you merely just go out with? I think that is a little bit too overboard.

Can you imagine all your hard earned money were use to splurge on someone whom never even spare a second thought for you before she spends your money and you thought that is the way to love her (or him)? Is love measured by the monetary benefits? Can you imagine yourself saving a 1.2k and someone just thought of how to spend it on her dental instead of feeling happy for you or advise you to save it up? And the worst is she is already attached with someone else! Money squander I feel she is! Where is her brain? Where is her brain? I felt so lousy for being a girl now! Shame on you!

How can one be so cruel?? I feel so sad for this friend of mine when I heard it from him. This is what I call, hopelessly in love. I feel he deserves someone much much much better. Hey! If you are reading this, believe me! You really deserve someone who should treats you better and spare thoughts for you instead of thinking of how to make herself happy. Thank you for making me feel better about myself that the situation I met was not the worst as compared to yours! LOL!

Anyway in life, we need to meet the many wrong ones in order to appreciate who is the right one for us. But when we met the right one, we become afraid to love. Thinking, is he (or she) the one? Confusing isnt it? Life.......soemtimes, I wish he ( you dun know who I am referring) will be alittle bit bolder of his feelings towards me.

Now I understand why ppl think I am too nice a girl to be a gf. It's merely because you ppl keep meeting the wrong ones! If all the girls around you are nice girls (just like the gal friends I have around me), you will not think too highly of me already. I am really just a stubborn, petty, naggy, insecure (and anymore!) plain jane.

Do not try to understand but learn to appreciate me! LOL!