We are players in this world

Sometimes, I do wonder is fate exists in this world. Some say, fate has been destined from the moment you are born. Some say, we are our own master to decide our own fate. I say, I just wish my fate is not manipulated by others.

Just a week back or so, a lost found friend came back into my life and I am glad we were able to chat like we used to. Some things he still wants to clarify and make me understand. But the bottom line is, so what if I am being made known of how my 1st ex was going thru that period of time we broken off? Things still had happened and nothing said now will help to lessen that pain. So what if he still misses me as a friend, so what if he still ask about me. Nothing will change. There will never be any “looking back at the past” from me. I do wonder if I will agree to meet him one day and look him in the eye and remain calm and emotionless. When that thought came, I knew, I still cannot do it. Past will forever be past. Hurt done will never become undone. We have hurt enough of each other I do not wish to look into his eyes and be reminded of the past. Just let everyone move on with a new future.

Then just yesterday, 2nd ex smsed me something. Again, thinking about the past. The 3rd one msned me saying he sort of have a funny feeling like he still misses me when he already had someone in aussie willing to give up her career for him.

Sometimes I wonder why men could say all these when everything is already in the past. I mean, what is the point of saying? So what is it about? What is the objective of making such a sentence? To tell me and then so? So what? Will anything change? If nothing is going to change, why say? So what it is just to tell me? What do you expect me to reply? And do they really know what the hell they are talking about?

I am utterly disappointed in many that I have met or still meeting in my life. These few days I have been I have been thinking about the past events with 1st, 2nd and 3rd ex and some other ppl who proclaims they likes me. And it really irks me to think that these ppl could made promises and assurances like I am their only reason to live in this world. What do you expect me to say? I can only reply to you, thank you.

I have ppl who revolve around me, showing their concerns and all. You think I will be touched? Common, I have heard enough of these tricks until I am so immune that I feel so numb and unfeeling. i cannot even differentiate truth from lies anymore. So don't blame me when I am nasty towards you. I just feel put off with hearing those silly words.

I guess the next time, if you guys really want me to believe your genuine feeling for me, please dig out your heart and show me or, if you can give up something you love or care most like for example your whole fortune and transfer them all to me, maybe I will believe you are genuine towards me. Else, just keep your mouth shut and leave all those funny lovely little tricks in your sleeves and pockets and stop embarrassing yourself by expressing to me.

I do wish I am 15 years old again in order to treat those lovely words seriously but reality is cruel, I am already 28. Please men, wake the fuck up!