I cant' sleep

I just cant sleep. Was it the coffee? Or the stomach that do not get enough food still? Or was it the hundreds of tiny ants massacre I was guilty of?

I just cant sleep and browse thru a couple of friend’s facebook. I am happy for all of them. Attached, or getting married, or happy leading a fulfilling life. Its all about being happy with the life we lead. Be it plain rice for three meals or sumptuous meals. As long as all of you are happy, I am happy for you.

Panick attack returned again since monday. The flu which never recovers by itself and resulted in a terrible headache which got better on tues morning.

Changes at work again. Another manager leaving. Not really a surprise for me. My colleague under that manager was very demoralized. I was too, or I pretend to be, becos I am numb about such things already. Ppl come and go, no one is indispensable. The only way to be indispensable is to learn as much as possible and be the pioneer of new policies or procedures and impart only the very surface details to others. Maybe that’s how the insecured ppl will resort to.

Colleagues thought I have been quietly doing my stuff and less complains and therefore my job scope seems to be quite an “easy job”. It has always been this impression since day one. I dun know why. Was it really I am holding a easy job scope as compared to others? Or I am better managing my stress and work? I don’t know and I don’t care. All I know is to prioritize and get things done and going. Problem came and solved and gone. I have no time to ask why there is a problem. Such questions are left to be resolved when time allows. I am not leaving my job no matter how tough it seems to be. Be it the tougher challenges, the haughty acad staff or the help-less colleagues around me. I always wonder, why others have so much complains and problem with their areas and I will step in and help where possible and I am always the only one helping my own self with my own area of work?

There is an opening in the Visual Arts dept which some of them has encouraged me to take on. But can I just leave like that while its so short handed now and low moral in my team? No one is dispensable I know , but I just cant bear to be a irresponsible person and leave my team like that. Complain will not get things done, action will. I just hope we could go through this rough time again just like how we did last year.

Baby is out for working trip again in UAE. Out in the desert and under the hot sun. I hope he has done enough to shade himself from the scorching sunlight else he needs to change his race to Indian soon.

Its 2:45 now. I still cant sleep........