The "common" illness call.....cancer.

It has been raining for the past week after we had enough of the hot and humid weather. Baby’s manager has passed away suddenly even though I knew he was in bad shape but it never crossed my mind that he would leave so soon. It all happened within 2 months? After the manager returned from an overseas trip, came back and was sick, fever, hospitalized, admitted, discharged and re-admitted again. Then just two days back, I heard that he has passed away...

His new born was about 2 months old (I think), roughly the time when he was diagnosed with the illness, his wife gave birth to this second child. I thought about his wife, having to bear with the thought of the lost of her loved one, and coping with the sudden change in life, having to walk the route alone with two children in her arms. Perhaps even the God is crying for them…

It suddenly makes me realized that life can be so unpredictable that some things might just change in every second of our life. Things that we taken for granted may just leave us forever. Then suddenly I thought of how can I cope with my life without Baby or if he could cope with his without me? Then I thought of living a life without my family members around me anymore….I thought of the fear of dying which every one of us has to go through no matter how timid we are.

How does it feel to die? Then I stopped there, hoping that if one day something bad has to happen, I hope it will happen to me, because I really cannot bear with the thought of seeing any of my loved ones leaving me first.

More and more cases I heard about people dying because of cancer. Will cancer become a common illness like a cough or flu? Then I thought of whether cancer may not be one of the covering illnesses under our life insurance scheme anymore…? Then I thought of how will I cope if I have this illness? Will I accept it bravely or living in self denial? Or give myself a quicker death than to deal with it?

To know when I will be dying would be better than not knowing? Which will I chose? I rather not know when my time will be up but I can plan for my wake. So if anything really is going to happen to me, here’s how I want my wake to be:

Black and White Theme
Choose a happy photo of me (I have many of those in my computer)
Get me a black (or white) coffin
Keep things simple


Am I over paranoid????