If I can turn back the clock, I wanna go back to 1992. Where I will work harder for my PSLE and not enrol in Shuqun Sec.
Then I will have insist not attending the Comm Stream and do Arts streams instead. I will have insist to enrol in NAFA regardless.
And then I will not have met you friends, and have you guys to intro me to him.
And then guess my whole life will have changed with lesser regrets.
I wish I have stab him to death and die together, I wish I have jump down right in front of him and come back as a spirit to watch him for life. I wish I have set him on fire. I wish I could have make a din at his ministry and make him loss his job. I wish I could have throw his dog out from the window. I wish I can dissect him and display in my art gallery just like what JJ did.
I wish I can accept someone, to have someone to take care of me, someone I can really entrust, someone whom I can put my trust. I really wish, but its not that easy. Its never about whether anyone else is good enough for me but its me. This wall is solid and all around me. I dun know how long will it takes to e demolish or if it even will be.
I wish I never meet you at all, never. You are my greatest regret. You become a phobia to me. You become my haunting spirit. You become the one setting me on fire turning my soul to ashes. You become that history in my life story. You become that blotch in my life which can never be erased. Do you know how much that adds up to make me hates you? I know you do know. But I know you will say, get a life its been so long! Its not your fault for putting me in this state cos its me who cant just get over. It's me. It's always me. Its always never your fault. Just like how you said its my own fault for being careless when I fell for chasing after your arrival train when you hurried me thru phone. Just like how you blamed me for asking so much questions even when we are facing a break up. And I actually believe in you. Its me. I am never good enough for anyone. Its me. I am not a nice person. Its me. I am rejected good. Its me. I am the one difficult to get along. Its me. Its me for allowing your words to defeat me and impact my life. Its me. Its never about you. Never about you. Never.....
5 comments:
Live too much in the past, you cant never appreciate the present, and anticipate the future.
And does it matter anymore now ?
Cheer up !! Life is just beginning a new chapter everyday, and it depend on you to breathe the meaning into it, and let it come alive :)
You can't control the past, but at least by making the first step to know and accept a new stage in life (or someone) is correcting that regret. Otherwise, this regret will forever cause more regrets in your life for missing those good stuff. The question now is, do you want to give this Regret a chance to continue be your Regret for life? You decide.
learn to live in present, think about future and learn from your past... whatever was is history... a bad experience maybe but will help you be better ;)
Be able to forgive and forget, keep only the good memories and learn from the bad ones... is the only way to be happy :)
to appreciate happiness, you'll need to know what unhappiness means ;)
enjoy your life, love and let others love you, trust and forgive and you'll be able to enjoy again happiness :)
I been fine, just a little grumpy after a damn night chat with a friend which got me thinking of that pain in the arse again. LOL!
But seriously it does impact my confidence and I just feel that its a mistake. Its a big mistake for a perfectionist like me who cannot stand abit of blotch in my report card! LOL!
I do not think of him anymore, well not that frequent anymore. He is just a lesson learnt. :) Looking back I am really glad we did not continue. I do not think my future should be entrust to ppl like that.
That is great. Hope everything is going well ;) really envy u...
got so many friends supporting you.
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