So long...

I will never forget the explanation you said that day.
In fact, I have asked you the same question twice.
And I already knew the reason when I asked you during 1st time and when your answer came during the second questioning, which convinced me that my guess is right anyway.

Explanations that follow after that are just because of the change in my face.
To me, it’s that way.
Yes, I am judgmental and I don’t listen.
It does not convince me in either ways.

You know me well and when I will never believe, means I won’t when I say.
I knew my tight lipped makes you confused and left you in dismay.
But I will never forget that glare in the dark as you sped away.
The fear in me with the thought “I made someone angry with me again”

I will never forget that word “Kam Lan” spoken to me straight into my face, when I am trying my best to explained why I am this way, to meet up whoever, I am glad to meet up with.
You can’t trust them but you can’t trust at least me?
Thus makes me realized that all these we built were kept afloat by a layer of insecurity (again).

I dun want to feel insecure, I don wan you to feel that way too.

I am just so tired to go thru these again.

And at the end of the day, after all your prompting which got me in deep thoughts, that it’s just me, I don’t want to be bothered by insecurity and that I can’t, dun want, scare of the big “C”

And so, I waved goodbye to you on that lovely day.
It was never ever plan to be that way.
Just that I knew you wanted an answer from me that day.
And I felt I can’t keep running away
But I have been busy and thinking about it that past few days…so on that lovely day, where I can leave my work behind, my friends and life behind, to give myself a break from all those I need to face, I faced you with grace, I told you what I felt throughout those days.

I know you will provide me with everything, anything. It’s a blessing to be loved and pampered many will say.

But I am not a little girl, who needs to be sheltered away,
To keep me safe from the harsh storm is not the way as storm still happens every day.
Give me a chance to brace thru the storm and survive and be gay.
Welcome me to this real world I need to face.

I want my life to be full of freedom and peacefulness
Away from arguments and explanations
I want to lead the life I want it to be the way
And I know the price to pay
And it’s true I can do without anyone anyway.
I can live without anyone to take care of me cos I am still surviving without you or anyone well, at least up to this day
That’s why I say, in this world, there is nothing as “I can’t do without you” I must still say.
And becos of this understanding, I have to bid goodbye to you on that lovely day…

I am well and occupied with my work everyday.
I will take care of myself and be strong (hope you do too)
Strive well in your ACCA
Its your future, as I have said
The worst is over and as I look in this new direction and phase
I embrace them, come what may.