Character flaw

Have you wonder among the pple around you, ppl whom mix around with you the most almost every day, ppl like your family, your friends, your colleagues and maybe business associates, how do they really think a person like you are?

Being almost a perfectionist myself, there are no doubts there were times when I never allow my flaws to be shown. There may be some things I do not like to do, but has to due to the fact that others may like, sometimes I oblige. Sometimes I may think if I wasn’t a part of them, I may not be deemed “norm” and “accepted”.

I believe, many of us falls into this situation as well. Sometimes, you may not agree to what your bosses say, what your client believes, or what your gf/bf/friend thinks it should be. But we nod our heads to everything they say, simply because either we accept the way they are, or we are just lazy to argue.

I am especially so towards ppl whom I am not close to. Or in a situation when I know the other party’s has a stonger character, there will be no end once you express your “opposition” in views.

In every one of us, I understand that we have some parts of imperfection. Be it a character imperfection, or physical imperfection, or mental imperfection. But then again, being almost a perfectionist myself, although I understand this, but still I am a perfectionist wannabe, maybe I am already destined to be one since birth. I wanna be perfect in everyone’s eye. Maybe that’s just because I just wanna be accepted by most. And I know it is impossible to do so, thus became an introvert becos I am afraid of rejects.

There were ppl who can’t accept me and my flaws of cos. These flaws, when I told my friends, they laughed at me saying, they are too minor to even mention. Is that true? Then why it’s a big deal to others? Is it because every one of us has different expectations from others? I have to agree with that and yes, I am quite a spoilt person. It has got to do with my upbringing, living in a protected shield call family, under the care of my caretakers name my parents.

Every one of us was well taken care of. We were dressed up neatly since young. Our shoes have to match with our dresses. We are not supposed to keep long hair. After our lessons, we have to start working on our homework, bath and eat fast. Before we dine, we have to greet the elderly first. Even now, my sis, bro and I still greet our parents before we start eating. Blanket has to be folded neatly, bed sheet has to be tucked in neatly. There were many many other common house rules which I believe many of you reading have to abide as well. But many have also been abolished by us as we grew older. And becos I was brought up this way, I also have some weird rules for myself too.

I never really like to eat at hawkers, sometimes in food courts too esp after looking ard assessing the hygiene and inhaling the oily smell, I can imagine the amount of cooking oil absorbed into my clothing and I will be walking away smelling like a “cooked food”, then will be shopping ard the mall and hanging ard the perfume sections awhile more hoping the diffused perfume smell will overwrites the oily smell on me. And to make things easier, I brought out my perfume with me too. Other days if I am sitting in a bus and if some bad odor hits my nose, and there is nowhere else I can escape, I will sniff hard on my wrist like an addict, hoping to find some relief from the mild perfume smell I left on me.

Sometimes even the thought of using a common fork or spoon in a restaurant may also puts me off (SOMETIMES). Imagine the same fork and spoon that goes into your mouth has also went into many others all sorts of ppl! I guess this issue has a little to do with my mild obsession with cleanliness (flaw).

But then again sometimes, I was able to eat at selected hawkers with my parents, dozing off without bathing. Was hygiene really an issue? Not really to me, well it always depends on my mood. I am a super duper moody person and most of the thing I do, including chatting with ppl, also depends on my mood. And becos of that, many times, I wasn’t able to complete where I 1st started. This is my flaw. I am an escapee not a fighter.

I was a super duper possessive person but have learnt to let go a lot now to the extend that some times, others complains say I am very heck care and damn boh chap which pisses them off. It is just very hard to strike a balance here and please everyone although I am a libra and weighing scale is my star sign. This is my flaw. I am not a well balanced person.

I super duper hate it when ppl lies to me and although truth may hurts but lies hurt even more. And I hate it even more if I have to hear the truth from a 3rd person. I super duper hates it when ppl likes to confuse my thoughts while hiding things from me for their own benefits. Many times we want to know THE TRUTH but how many of us were able to handle the truth? But still I rather know the truth. This is my flaw. I am very stubborn and judgmental many a times.

I am an over thinker and always over think one the extreme bad stuffs that will happen to me. And becos of these bad habits of over thinking, I lost opportunities but has also protected myself against other predicted/foreseen failures at times. And many times, I do not believe in myself. This is my flaw, I dun believe others nor in myself.

I have my character flaws. I wish to correct them but it’s all in my mindset. Training my mind isn’t really a simple task, but perhaps all I need is a stronger will and beliefs.

Our mind is a powerful tool and controller which either makes you a better person or destroys you.

And how can I have a stronger will and beliefs? It’s all in this mind. It’s either it leads or we lead.