In dreams we became friends?!?!?!?

The later the night has become. I slept at 2:30am yesterday. Was chatting away about my past to a friend and I guess I got too carried away.

After the conversation, I started to dream away. I dreamt that she and I became friends. She have cut her hair. She asked me for comment. I said should have rebond before cutting it away. She said it meant to be a bob style hair. I even showed my concern, advising her what health drinks to take.

In dreams I was thinking to myself, if she ever finds out I am the ex of her friend's bf, how will she have treat me? The dream felt real. My friendliness and care for her seemed real for like a good time old friend. Perhaps sometimes I do pity her while reading her blog away. She seems like a b**** (as always to me) but naive in her own ways.

I dreamt away, becoming one of them. In dream I was their new friend. In dream they do not know my real identity. In dream I became their good friend.

It’s all the late night chats. I should not mention the past again. Pictures were deleted from my pc but found in CDs chucked in my drawer I never realized. When will all be gone? It's hidden everywhere, resurfacing as and when. It's been a year, a good one year. But the cut seems fresh, which seems refuse to heal, which seems to ache, which seems to kill. I still hate was it because I still love? I guess it was just the betrayal and pride which got in my way.

Very soon, I will have to face all of them from the past. Many will be asking the same question, the dreadful question. They will be asking how have I progress. I have got to be interrogated again and again, repeating the same old answer, explaining why we were no longer together, what actually happen. Replaying flashes again and again. I will have to see that look in their face. I guess it felt like being violated again and again.

I wish not to attend but it is a once a life time event. Both are my best-est friends. I will have to attend and witness and share their joy with them. The rest I wish I am invisible to them.

What are those friends to me anyway? It's an open ended question. We will never get an answer. And when we are tired of seeking answers, we accept whatever.